My secret to life - Very long!!!

[ACCLUDE91]

I know this is a really long post so don’t read it if you don’t feel like it. Please, either Read the whole post or don’t read any of it at all!

It contains some rather detailed and personal information about myself, but the whole point of this thread is to share with you all something that has changed my life forever. Maybe my experiences and thoughts can be useful to a few of you.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my life and how I got to where I’m currently at. I’ve had a fairly rough life up to this point. I know everyone’s life is rough to a certain extent but to give you an idea of the crap I’ve been through…..I got into some pretty hardcore things at a young age. By the age of 11 I was smoking cigarettes daily. By the age of 12 I was smoking herb and drinking almost daily. By the age of 13 I was trippin on acid, shrooms and geltabs all the time and had even done stuff like coke and freebase whatever prescription drugs I could get. By the age of 15 I was doing all of the above daily & more stuff and did some pretty shady shit to support my habits. I’ve robbed people. I’ve broken into houses and stole what I could. I’ve stolen cars and objects from cars. Shoplifted from hundreds or even thousands of stores. I lied to everyone I know including myself. I vandalized places regularly simply for momentary satisfaction. I got in fights all the time and have been cut, stabbed, burned and shot at. I have also cut, stabbed and shot at others. Never burned anyone yet tho. lol I was also dealing drugs at this point. You might be asking “Where were your parents through all of this and why didn’t they kick your ass?” Well, I hid everything very well for about 5 years. No one had any idea. Then I just kinda fell apart.

At the age of 16, I was failing in school, had a hard time thinking straight and got extremely depressed. I feel that I have been depressed for a majority of my life and spent soo much time filling the void with things like drugs, destruction, and fighting. I started losing control. I stopped going to school all together and spent 24hrs a day locked up in my room. Went from a straight A student in some A.P. classes to a straight F student in some L.D. classes. I cried at random and did things like punching/kicking holes the walls and breaking the door in half. I took it out on myself and my family members. It got really bad and I even threatened to kill them in their sleep and all kinds of crazy shit. My mom was scared for her life at one point. I overdosed on drugs several times which put me in the hospital twice. One of those times caused a minor heart attack and caused me to stop breathing all by the age of 16! Still have some heart issues to this day because of it. I made a few attempts at suicide. One attempt involved filling a trash bag up with freon and tying it over my head. Go out with a killer buzz ya know? Well, I ended up passing out and smacking the ground so hard that I broke my nose (still crooked to this day!). I came to some time later and there was a big puddle of blood from my broken nose, but no trash bag anywhere….it just disappeared?!?!? Anyways, that suicide attempt and the overdoses landed me in a psychiatric institute for a few months where I was diagnosed as bi-polar, manic depressive, chemically dependant and several other titles. I was put on Lithium, Welbutrin, and a few other drugs…best way to treat a drug addict is to give them different drugs right? I guess that made sense to them but the meds ended up making me worse over time. I was sent to two other psychiatric institutes within the same year. Each one came up with different “titles” to my “conditions” and gave me different medications based on those “titles”. Every month or two the medicationswere changed and every doctor I saw said different things so my nervous system went haywire. I ended up having like a nervous breakdown and had some pretty sever seizers and for a few weeks I couldn’t even speak in full sentences or make sense half the time. This whole time I was still doing the coke, acid, herb, about a 24 pack of beer a day and so on. Got suspended from school several times for everything from fighting to cussing out teachers, to smelling like alcohol, to skipping, and so on. I skipped so often that Henrico county used to send a police car to my house to pick me up in the mornings and drop me off at school and pick me up at the end of school and take me home! Once I got to school, I usually went out back in the woods and got fucked up and ended up walking home and staying there all day. After a 3 month stretch of zero attendance, I was finally expelled from Henrico county schools and taken to court for truancy. At this point I was still doing many many illegal things on a daily or even hourly basis. I ended up getting caught vandalizing several homes in a newly built community. The total estimated repair cost for the damages (for this one incident only) was 1.2 million! Luckily I only had to repay the insurance deductible which came out to $20,000. I got 9 felonies and several misdemeanors from this one incident! Spent several months in juvenile hall. Got put on house arrest for 2 years, which I kept breaking the rules and got locked up several more times and they ended up taking me off of it. Instead, they locked me up in a full-time long-term drug rehab living facility. I still made no major changes in my life so things kept going downwards. I was basically not expected to live to see the age of 18.

At age 17, I basically ran away. I lived in a tent in the woods away from everyone and everything. I stole what I needed and otherwise just hung out in the woods all day getting fucked up. I stole a car and drove up to NY and stayed around there for a few months. I ended up robbing several places and got caught several days later because it was a fairly small town and I was spending money like crazy so it looked suspicious. Got put in jail for several months waiting for the trial. Had to pay lots of restitution and I’m permanently banned from Orleans County NY! They kindly asked me never to come back.

So I go back to VA and at this point, my family is basically estranged and wants nothing to do with me. I had no one to help me and no place to call home. I roamed the streets for a few more months and finally decided that I needed to get away. My mom was driving down to FL to visit some family and I asked if I could hitch a ride. She said yes and few days later I was in FL. This was one of the best moves I made in my life. Not sure if it was the change in scenery or whatever it was, but my thoughts started to change. I got out of most of my bad habits, stopped stealing/lying/scamming, started honest work and so on.

[ACCLUDE91]

The move to FL made me figure out the biggest realization in my life and the answer to all of my problems. IT IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD. You know some people “find God” and make positive major life changes and that’s all cool if it works for them. For me, it was “finding the power of the mind” that saved me and allowed the major life changes to start. I finally realized the true meaning of the statement - IT IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD. Every issue I’ve ever had in my life could be blamed on my own thoughts. I figured out that I didn’t need medications, drugs, or anything…..I just needed to change my frame of thought. This realization has solved every problem in my life since then. If I was feeling depressed, I’d catch my self thinking about how I’m depressed and I simply change my thoughts right then and there. Problem solved. No more depression. If I was craving any drugs or anything, simply change my thoughts and all of a sudden I didn’t want them any more. Problem solved. No more addictions….well at least now my addictions are limited to nicotine and caffeine. I realized the almighty power of the mind. It truly is mind over matter. I mean think about it, if you’re busy thinking about how upset or pissed of you are, the despair/anger/aggression/ will show. It will show in your body language. It will show in your voice and the words you say. It will show in your interactions with others. Other people pick up on this and “put up a wall of protection” or avoid/ignore you because of it. It also makes them consciously form a “negative” opinion. This in turn makes you feel worse which yet again, shows in your actions. It’s a vicious cycle that most people do not seem aware of and often times happens subconsciously. In this same situation, no matter how upset or pissed off you are, if you stop yourself from thinking about it and start thinking about happy you are, all of a sudden the despair/anger/aggression starts to disappear and this will also show in your body language/speech/actions. Other people pick this up and start to enjoy being around you and in return become more willing to be friendly/help out. Their “wall of protection” comes down and in turn that makes your life easier/better. It may take weeks, months or even years to get this technique down and see results from it but once you train yourself to actively control your own thoughts, all of a sudden you become able to do anything you want. You can truly become happy inside regardless of current issues, struggles, material objects, etc. The more you practice it, the easier it becomes and the better results you get. Everything is all in your head. Your thoughts and your perception dictate your actions. Your actions dictate other peoples actions (or re-actions). In a sense, you can control (to a certain extent) other people through your own thoughts. You can get an entirely different outcome from a situation or individual by simply changing your own thoughts. Once you train your mind and are able to change “negative” thoughts to “positive”, your body has no choice but to follow right along. I even use this as a “painkiller”. If I get hurt, instead of thinking about the pain, I think about how little it hurts and think about another part of the body. After a little time, the pain goes away or at least minimizes and I didn’t have to take any kind of medication. After a while, you brain gets trained and your threshold for pain increases. The power of the mind is almost limitless. It truly is ALL IN YOUR HEAD. It’s a simple and beautiful philosophy that has drastically changed my life for the better.

This time spent in FL not only changed me inside drastically, it also gave me lots of new avenues to explore. This was the time that I started getting into cars really big. It started with stereos and alarms and crap and eventually got into the performance aspect. I spent lots of time at Pristine Auto Salon which was a paint & detail shop and learned a lot from the guys there. I also got my first job in the auto industry. It was a small shop near Okeechobee called Auto Sound Syndicate. Cars became my new addiction.

While I was in FL, I made lots of good changes, but struggled to make enough money to live off of. So the solution was to join the Navy. I took the ASVAP (sp?) test and got an excellent score. I ended up signing up for 6 years to be in intelligence de-coding messages and crap. They got all kinds of waivers to let me in because I had no high school diploma or GED and a decent sized criminal record. I took the physical and went back to VA to visit my family for a week before I left for boot camp. While I was in VA visiting, I got a call from my recruiter saying that I failed the drug test (marijuana) and that I had to wait 6 mos. before I could apply again. During the 6mos. of waiting, I ended up getting a job at Circuit City Roadshop doing the stereo/alarm thing. Bought my first Accord around then too. From there went on to Audio Express for a short time and by then I was so hardcore into cars and had so many good things going for me that I never ended up re-applying to the Navy. I’ve been here in VA ever since.

It’s been a slow uphill battle but I’m very pleased with where my life is now. I will be 25 in a few weeks and everything is really starting to fall in place. I am a completely different person now than I was 10 years ago. I get along great with my family now and I can honestly say that I love them which is something I could have never said 5-10 years ago. Things are still a little difficult with my father but that’s cause he’s still got the mindset that I’m the 15 year old fuck-up that he once knew. I’ve changed but he hasn’t. He’ll come around eventually. Got my GED long ago and have attended many college classes and automotive programs. I’m part owner of a car dealership & shop with two of my uncles. I pretty much get to do what I want with my car. I have a decent sized house to live in. I have all kinds of things going for me and I love it! The best part of it all is knowing that I have busted my ass for the past 7 years to make it all happen. None of it was given to me. I had to work hard to get it all. I may not have the best of everything or lots of expensive objects, but what I do have is priceless because of the blood, sweat & tears that I put into making it happen. No matter how bad of a day I have now…..I’ve had worse….much worse. I also have a different perspective on humans. No matter how bad you think someone is, there is still good within them. They are just lost and don’t know how to find themselves. I was once lost like this and found my way so the possibility for others to do the same always exists. There is always hope. There is always something to look up to.

I hope someone out there finds this useful otherwise I basically wasted a lot of time typing all this crap out.

[MRX]

know what...whatever you went through to turn you into the man you are now i wouldn't even think about changing. Its through your past that you've learned to appreciate the things you have now. Think about this, if you hadn't had a rough past would you be as compassionate and thankful as you are today?

And as a final note since this sorta applies..."We fall down, but we get up. For a sinner is just a saint that fell down." And to me and the ppl that have taken the time to get to know you even through the internet you are a saint

We love pat!!!

[gloryaccordy]

Good stuff man. I'm glad things worked out for the best for you and that you turned your life around. That was an inspirational story .

[Boost_Lee]

im very glad you found yourself and went through your self realization process. There will always be obstacles that lie ahead, but now that you are strong and in-touch with your inner-self, you can accomplish anything. We all stand behind you man, congrats, and best of luck.

[deevergote]

Wow Pat... I didn't realize you went through so much! You know, as a Psychology major (well, graduate...) working to be a therapist, I can tell you that you figured out something by yourself that many people pay thousands of dollars to be taught... and not every one of those people truly understand it!

Everything really IS in your mind. I'm a big advocate of the power of the mind, and the uselessness of drugs in most cases. There's a difference between being depressed because you're having hard times, being depressed because you've chemically altered your own brain state, or depressed because there is a true natural imbalance. I have 3 people that are close to me that are on medication for depression. Only one of them has a true chemical disorder. The others were just pumped full of pills because it's the easy way out.

I'm glad to see you made it through all that... and the fact that you did it basically by yourself means a lot. You're probably a hell of a lot stronger now that you clawed yourself out of such a hole by your own will.

It's VERY hard to keep in that frame of mind... but you're right, practice makes it easier.

[ACCLUDE91]

Thanks guys. It means a lot to not see you all freak out in horror at my past. As I said...I'm a completely different person now than I was 10 years ago.

Hopefully someone out there will read this one day and realize what they could do in their own lives to make things better. It doesn't require any physical work to make good things happen. It only takes the propper mindset.

And Deev..... unfortunatley will power comes into play as well. You could have all the knowledge in the world....but if you do not have the will power to do anything with it, it's almost the same as not having the knowledge at all.

[deevergote]

And Deev..... unfortunatley will power comes into play as well. You could have all the knowledge in the world....but if you do not have the will power to do anything with it, it's almost the same as not having the knowledge at all.

How true that is! My own example isn't really along the same lines as yours, but it serves the purpose... I have 2 college degrees and I'm working as a waiter. I am suffering from a severe lack of will and drive to do anything with what I have! (of course, I have plans to go back to school to become a teacher, while I work on the graduate degrees to eventually do the therapist stuff... there's a plan, but no drive at the moment!)

I hate to admit it, but some of the best advice comes from Nike... Just do it!

[PakaloloHonda]

I hate to admit it, but some of the best advice comes from Nike... Just do it!

I also have a pretty good one that I like to use quite a bit myself .. (In the game of golf..)
It is constantly used .. and that is .. *The six inch space between your ears* is where
you'll find all the answers .. and it really is true .. The mind is such an elaborate and
sometimes manipulative system .. if we allow ourselves to be manipulated by it,
then, we'll always find it difficult to overcome what we need to.

Excellent Post Pat .. and if I was to lay my life out in two posts like you did .. I'd almost expect
to have *people freak out in horor* as well .. but.. this forum is not only a really cool place
to hang out and talk about our rides, but for some of us, I've noticed that it's also a great place
to *release* a lttle bit of that which holds us down.. and I for one am glad that you posted
what you did .. and I also hope that a new member, or even a current member who is troubled
about their own trials and tribulations, can find your post a relieve for themselves.

Well done my friend ..
Tomi

[aero]

Dang, very good post. Anyone that would look at what you used to be.. well, whatever to them. who you are today is what matters. Its the same thing as your whole situation. You have gone to what you had before(nothing) to today (pretty much what anyone could want: controlling your life, and knowing what you want and how to get it).

Its unfortunate that about 90% of people dont understand how much truly beleiving in yourself works.

Take overweight people for example, .05% are actually chemically/genetically obeise, the rest of the people just use it as an excuse. This is also why I typically dont feel sorry for many people... they have all the power in the world to do what they want; if they really want it.

Great post though, I encourage everyone to read it. I havent ever met you but you sound like an awesome person. to you

[lil_dcb7]

You know, as a Psychology major (well, graduate...)

you just had to throw that in there, huh?

Haha j/p deev,

yeah Pat, it takes alot from a man to change his ways. Different people do different things to try and turn their life around. Its good that you did. And this is a very good lesson to others. Good luck with the future, Pat!!

[FishyMan]

I think the best thing is that you were able to realize and make a CHANGE. That's a big part, and yes, we all go through struggles. I know I have my own and I hope that you continue on your path of strength.

I commend you for your actions though I'm nobody but just a cb7 owner. I like how you gave your father a chance to 'come around.' I hope you also realize that you can't really blame them for their action or their feelings towards you. It sucks when you bleed the same blood only to have turmoil, anger, shiet tear it apart. But its good that you are now changing, now ammending and making a pitch towards the better.

Scenery does play a big big big role. Regardless, it puts you in a phase of realization of thought, of reflection. Will power is big as well...

Anyhow take cares and good luck..

[ACCLUDE91]

You guys are awesome and have some very pertinent info to add.

A lot of this seems like common sense to me now....but there was a point when I was clueless to it all. That's why I felt the need to share it. Maybe make it common sense for someone else that once was clueless to it all.

[rebels]

Dang Pat.. very long and interesting post. I would have NEVER thought you would have done any of that in the past, and that is good. This shows the 180 degree (on my laptop so I can't make the symbol) turn you made for the best. It's not everyday that you see people actually strive to change their life for the better.

Usually once it starts going downhill, it continues to keep going that way. I'm very happy for you and glad you finally found the place in life where you are happy.

I hope more people actually spend the 5-7 minutes to read the entire post and see how everything can just fall into place by using the wonderful power of the *mind*.

Even I try to change the way I live sometimes and the only way I can do it is if I think it and put my mind to it. I want to be nicer to people, be a more mature man, and just be the way I want to be. I usually hang out with people older than me (25-30) and I just like how they're nice to everyone, don't cuss as much as me, and so on.. but I will get to that point I want to be at when I put my mind to it more.

I'd give you a pad on the back if I didn't live thousands of miles away, but good job on changing. I don't even know if I would be posting here if it wern't for you.. haha. The old days of 2001 on Accord Racing when I learned so much from some of your posts.. you're very acknowledgeable around this place.

[h22akkord23]

that was deep, congratulations dude.

i dont really know you, but i wish more people would find the "good" in them like you did. This world has too many "bad" tempered persons and it needs to change.....

maybe you should write a little book of somesort...ever think of that? sort of like an autobiography/Dr.Phil kinda thing......

but all in all, that is absolutely great that you turned your life around completely, after reading your past, you should be giving some kind of an award...(a little humor)

i dont know if my will power was ever that strong when i was young...i wasnt a devil like you, but i never wanted to change anything for anyone....stubborn i guess...but i give you props!!!