Super awkward situation

[MikeW]

Approaching him, whilst he is sober is NOT a good idea. Trust me. I know from experience. He sounds like every typical violent drunk. He may not have been violent while you were around and he may not have a history of violence. That you know of.

If your dad were an abusive drunk, would you tell every gf you ever had? Especially if you didnt plan on living there much longer.

Im not saying shes lying to you, albeit, she is, but shes just trying to save you from the hassle and emotional worry of digging into her past. It's ugly and she doesnt want anyone to know about it. Especially if she plans on leaving it behind.

He doesnt wanna be reminded of his short-comings, especially when he either doesnt remmeber them or gets drunk to intentionally become a dick. It's complicated but people like him drink because, when he's sober, he's afraid to be open. He's afraid to be vocal and loud. Why, who knows? But thats just how it is. He knows what kind of drunk he is and he's not particularly fond of it and he certainly doesnt need you, "some guy banging his daughter", to tell him he got out of line or that maybe he needs to think before he acts.

[GeoffM]

That's pretty much why I was asking for advice. I'm not sure where I stand and I don't want to be out of line trying to tell him what to do, because I know how offensive that can be.

I talked with her and her sister today. I said it put me in a very tricky situation. Meaning that if he starts hitting them I don't know my level of obligation. She said call the cops and only intervene if absolutely necessary, to protect them.

[19dabeast85]

Just so you know. Your gf moving out isn't the end of the issues. I'm not saying end the relationship, I'm saying prepare for at least a few years of irregular moods and trust levels from your gf. She comes from a verbally, possibly physically, abusive environment. She is going to react very strongly to anything that reminds her of this. Meaning she may 100% trust you right now but a year from now you do or say one thing (harmless to a "regular" person) that reminds her of her father and prepare for an emotional breakdown and distrust and possible counseling. What can you do? Care for her no matter what she says to you, what she says are her current dynamic feelings not what she believes, and STAY CALM through any outbursts she may have. Don't be afraid to be straightforward if this happens, just be straightforward in a calm manner.

[GeoffM]

I finally got a chance to see him again.
He apologized almost immediately.

[bobbycos]

i see that alcohol was involved from reading all the posts


at least he apologized for his behaivior

[Tnwagn]

Even with the apology, anyone that exhibits such behavior with the ones they love, sobriety or not, is a person that I would never want to have any interaction with even tangentially. The fact that he was willing to act so ridiculously with you there is even worse, as most people would hide their insanity no matter their sobriety when people other than immediate family are around.

Like 19dabeast85 said, her moving out isn't going to be the end of things. I only hope that you are able to maintain as much distance as is reasonably possible and that such outbursts don't happen anymore.