things have never been the same since

[Turbo Dave]

about 2 years ago when I got my jaw broken and then held hostage after that.

I've lost sense of who I was and became someone I don't even know.

yawn i have been so tired lately man I have gone through alot of stuff I dont want to talk about it maybe sometime But i had some true good times this summer I went to Africa and gave back to the world and all that good stuff.

I just lost myself somewhere along the lines this summer and it kind of just came out of nowhere its like what am I doing?

Before I knew it I woke up and the phone was ringing and it was basically a "wake up call" I was going to lose everything if I didn't get myself together.

Well I have been going to the doctor alot and I have been doing what I need to do to get myself to be the right person to do good for my country to keep myself physically fit morally strong and mentally awake.

But, the problem for me has been the same one its always been, I haven't been able to find pleasure in anything. Im going to say this right now, and im going to mean it. Dont do drugs. Seriously, If you want to know why just read anything ive ever written haha.

So I lost pleasure in everything, and I can't seem to get it back. Well of course they say with time that comes, but i dont have time. I also have an ingrown hair on my crotch and its about the size of a toe if you squeeze it. Im getting it looked at tomorrow.

See what I mean about not doing drugs^? so anyways, I hadn't been able to find pleasure in anything, my shop got broken into and my turbo got stolen, out of my car, now granted it was only merely sat in place and the bolts were hand tightened, but still, someone knew what they were doing. They stole money from me and a nice widescreen 20 inch (i think or 21 or 19) lcd monitor. and they stole my pot.

I cant say anything bad about pot, its never caused any wrong in my life. So Im not against it one bit, I just consume it, and I don't have any opinion on what anyone else should do with it. I have nothing more to say about it.

Anyways, I would go to work on stuff, and my back would hurt, and Id take pain pills way too much, but i would get work done, but it would cost me way to much money, and it wasnt doing anything good. To get one thing done and cause much more problems isnt doing anything good.

I have to live my life maturely. Yeah. The one thing I couldnt be worse at.

I have to think ahead and when I work on something, or bend over, or what (at least until surgery in california, which is coming VERY soon) ever it is I do and I start to get in pain, I can't ignore it, I can't bend the rules, If I have to go to bed because my back is starting to hurt at night, but I want to stay up to watch something, I have to go to bed.

Because if I don't do any of those things im supposed to, It will cause me to hurt, and then I will get angry, and do something stupid, and hurt worse, and one thing leads to another, and before I know it im crying in pain and crying because Im going to a drug dealers house, or I'm taking the very limited supply I am given to take the edge of the pain, I take wayy to much to get rid of all of it. I have to be smart, I can't get myself in a situation like that, because:

1. I really do have disabling pain from severe back issues/trama
2. I've been in pain for most of my life
3. I have the fucked up thought that I need to make up for all that time in my life i was in pain and didnt even know it and take all the pain medicine that I "should" have been given throughout my life in one sitting
4. I have mental issues.
5. I have mental issues partly because i've been in pain for a long time
6. I'm not depressed, but Im never happy.
7. Drugs make me happy
8. Painkillers make my pain go away, both physical and mental.

9. Pain is distracting, it makes me unable to think, Painkillers take away the pain, and I love thinking more than anything, the real thing that makes me happy is thinking. Thinking about creating things, thinking about philosophy, thinking about how to fix a problem.

The one thing that I love to do is taken away from me because IM ADHD and im in pain, so im constantly distracted.

I am a self destructing living being. Naturally. i get distracted very very easily, and having this pain makes me unable to think, all the time.

I use my drug addiction as an excuse for everything, including the fact that I cant think.

But it is true, I think. (if I can think)

SOOO

Seee why drugs are bad kids???

Its all about keeping your head on straight i guess. I like to pretend im a Vampire, like those good ones, the ones that resist killing people or drinking peoples blood, except blood is opiates, and im a junky not a vampire, but it makes me feel better. I have taken major steps to get back to being a "human" again.

I've called alot of doctors, and I've been honest with them, well mostly honest, because the truth is, you cannot be completely honest with doctors, this isnt the little kiddy world the sesame street tells you about where if you have a problem tell a dr or a teacher or a parent. some problems will get you locked in a psych ward.

Trust me, I found out the hard way.

SO HERES THE POINT OF THE STORY!!!!!!!!!!!

ARE YA READY!!!!

ok, so im not back 100% but, Like I said, the whole doing drugs now not being able to enjoy normal life thing. Well thats pretty much going to not go away completley ( like as in brain waves return to completely normal) for at least 6 months really its 14 months but its 2 years to be perfect again.

Thats along time. So i found something that will fill the chemical void in my brain that drugs used to take up....

CARS! LikE zOMFG tHEy mAKE mE hApPY!!

well yeah seriously, I started working on my cars again, and this feeling returned to me, I was just doing simple things, my 2000 Accord was getting horrible gas mileage, so I started to work on it, got it first try, o2 Sensor went out, replaced, put some lucas injector cleaner in put some seafom in and cleaned the engine bay replaced the battery (with a new side mount that was lying around lol) installed a (real not drop in) K&N Filter on my DD and I went to the junkyard and pulled a window motor and regulator for my front driver door (window wouldnt go down)

So yeah. I feel ok.

Heres my problem though: VVVV

[Turbo Dave]

ALL of my friends are druggies. I'm about to be on probation soon, and I can't be around them and plus I just shouldnt.

My old roomate still owes me ALOT of money, and I've been presenting a case to his father but I dont think im going to get anything more than half of what he owes me, bastard. Put wholes in my walls when his stupid lil 17 year old GF dumped him, and he made fun of me in public for years for like some 15 year old chick when i was 18/19. And his GF was 16 when he was 20. If I had just waited till my chick had turned 16 when i was 19 all would have been good, i wasnt even dating her then either, I just talked to her on the phone.


anyways, so my lifelong friend roomate, didnt end up paying rent cuz he had a drug habit but said i had a drug habit and he paid rent and that i spent the money on drugs, its actually true for both of us, but my father kept records and I also told him when I got money and I also REMEMBER when I spent the money he gave me which was like NEVER, I asked him so many times to switch rooms with me and he wouldn't when he wasnt paying.

I wrote a huge thing about how big of a prick he was not paying or switching rooms because his room had central A/C and I owned the place and he wasnt paying, yet he somehow can argue his way out of everything, I can literally tell someone something, then they will tell him, and he will just make everything I say look like a lie, he should be a stupid lawyer.

OK so forget that the point is He moved out and all my friends are losers and if they dont do drugs they havent talked to me much anymore because they dont want to be tempted and I havent talked to them because I am proud of them mainly him: my one friend anthony, he cleaned up his act real good, good kid, i talked to him the other day. He is always down to hang out, but I dont want to be around anyone recovering because I would hate myself forever if I made someone relapse. But my other 5 friends, one has horrible back pain and was in an accident but he just wont quit be a junky and he doesnt want to and he wont even take his medicine as prescribed and guess what!!???!? HE HAD THE THIRD HIGHEST GPA IN HIS GRADE at graduation. He was the smartest kid in school, still is, but just wont quit because he doesnt want to all he cares about is getting his back pain down below 5/10. either he is truly in pain or needs real help.

Then my other "friend" I recently found something missing and he just acted as if though it wasnt him but i left my car for 2 minutes and came back and something was gone and he's like " i dont know but it wasnt me" like a police investigation would sentence him yet he thinks he can just say it wasnt him. and so much stuff has turned up missing when he is around but ive never caught him made him empty his pockets then have to apologize to him so i dont know but he is a piece of shit wont stop shooting up and he recently said its because he has "back pain" like me and mr 3rd in his class but thats a load of shit i hate people like that.

then theres the mechanic friend who lives with my other friend. and the mechanic kid john he doesnt do drugs but you can only hang out with him for so long and hes always working and paying off a car he crashed. and then there is one of my best friends another ryan and he recently has been getting into drugs more and more and I see it creeping into his life and it pisses me off but he seems like he is in control but i dont know I dont want to see him get fucked up too it just makes me mad because ryan the kid under control has a best friend nick, whos my best friend, as well as recovered anthony and xbestfriend graham (who is rich and can just wobble on that edge of the cliff of no return). but nick has a mom who is dying and he has a had some lower back problems but nothing major but he got addicted to the drugs but not as bad as any of us and he always kept it under control but he still has screwed up his life but I think and hope hes doing better actually it seems me and him are doing about the same which is good because we are on the same paths relating as much.

Then there is scott, the youngest of 5 whos only 18 with a mom dying of cancer and a best friend Alex who recently became schizophrenic didnt sleep for 3 days and on the 3rd night jammed out on the guitar with scott on the saxophone and played some music and at the end scott asked him if he was ok and he wigged out and scott left. Alex did not sleep that night and at 8 AM he was screaming about voices and his mom tried to calm him. thats when the shit hit the fan and the Electra complex took over and went insane and stabbed his mother and hid in the bathroom with her until the cops arrived and then for the first time in 20 years our local pleasantville police fired a gun because they couldnt handle a kid with a butter knife and a pitch fork and put a bullet right through Alex's neuroleptic brain.

Scott also has a divorced parents and a stepmom that hates him because she is partly schizophrenic and has a son troy living with them who suffered from pedophilia and raped his little sister when he was 13 or 12. Scotts father is probably in over his head, but a very nice man. However Scott's stepmom hates scott with a passion, because he has anger management issues, and also scott has a very fucked up back, and since his mom has cancer she cannot help him with insurance, and his stepmom is greedy and has some sort of ego problem with letting scott use their insurance even though he is family so scott cannot get his back fixed. Though rather healthy, sometimes scott has such bad lower back problems his leg drags when he walks, he is in pain worse than any of us. And he lives from place to place, Ryan (who has it under control) and john's house. Scotts mother's house (which is now owned by scotts oldest sister and husband and daughter, so scott cant stay much, My warehouse, and his stepmoms house, when she is gone (flight attendant). If she finds out scott is in the house, whatever mood she is in, changes, and she begins to yell at scott, telling him about her problems and what she has to deal with, and he has no right to live at his dads house for free (he is 18) and he is a lazy piece of shit ( he has a job and isnt addicted to drugs) and he is stupid (he knows more about fishtanks than anyone in central florida)


The reason I rambled about scott just then.... He deals with alot, and has serious back issues, and If he found out about the drugs that surround him, the drugs that are within feet of him sometimes, if he ever felt the pain relief that one pill of oxycontin or morphine were to give. Scott would die.

We are all putting him in danger. We all know the ruler not to let him know. The sad thing is: when I was in highschool, cocaine was the drug all the rich popular kids did at party's. Now oxycontin is. Its fucked up. The world has changed.

In reality: scott, his recovering brother nick, and my x-roomate, are my real best friends. Anthony is my good friend. But its different for him. We dont have as much in common I guess.

But ryan can't be my best friend anymore, because he asks me if I have drugs when im around him, and john well he is just john. you know people like that. just in their own class.

So I don't really have any friends.

Well Nathan. Nathan was my old boss, he used to do alot of bad stuff with me, we had alot of fun and got in a lot of trouble, he went to jail. Now he is the best influence in my life, he manages a car lot, gives me work, jobs, he used to throw away my needles and brake them and when he caught me doing drugs I got bitched out big time. He wouldn't let me do drugs, if he found me high at work he would send me home, hes only a year older then me, he is still really wild and drives fast, but he never crashes, his IQ is most certainly off the charts. He has alot of good skills and found a guy with alot of money and a good job and he found his place. He repo's cars alot ie steals them because he used or might have used to (big brothers watching) steal back in the day, not from people but from corporations or the government.
Nathans a good influence, I guess I'll hang around him more.

So pretty much, got cleaned up a couple times, and I got bored and relapsed bad. Then I began cleaning up, and kept myself busy. Now here I am. Though I may not have a nice record when i go into NA and dont get my 60 day badge, I know that Im more mentally Clean then ever. And I have a new love, or actually an old love just refound. and its cars. So I've got my mind in the right place, im getting my body there. Now I have to get my soul- BHAHAHA sorry guys, i'll never be religious. We all have a "life force" maybe my "spirit" needs to be in the right place, i could go with that.

Sorry for the long post.

I WANT RIDE AGAIN> I WANT TO BOOST> I WANT TO BUILD>

I haven't been the same since i got hurt real bad at the gas station, and it just went downhill since the night my truck got hit.

[ric3rboi23]

oh sweet another turbo dave thread!

its realllly long again.. i'll read it tomorrow.

[drummersteve7]

if I was a mod I would use auto delete!

[Turbo Dave]

if I was a mod I would use auto delete!

if you met me in person you wouldn't being saying that, and no, not because im going to "kick your ass" but probably because you would like me. you just don't know me is all, because I cant recall one person who knows me in person that acts like a d-bag towards me on here. You have a nice cb7 and a problem free life, what makes you want to hate on mine?

[Turbo Dave]

oh sweet another turbo dave thread!

its realllly long again.. i'll read it tomorrow.

yeah take your time

heres a cliff note

dave was following the yellow brick road

dave quit drugs.

dave's friends didn't

dave feels life is pointless and cant have fun without getting high on drugs

dave finds working on cars fun without drugs.

dave needs new friends because his old friends still do drugs.

dave's little friend/old friends brother (who deosnt do drugs) is in danger

dave needs to find a new turbo because his shop got broken into and it got stolen off of his car.

dave cant be summed up in cliff notes. yeah might want to read it tomorrow.

[turbomaxx]

I so wish I didn't have to leave for work right now so I could read this. Got the cliff notes though. hard to tell if you are waking up or not. I can offer further evaluation upon my return from work tonight around 6 p.m.



That is all.

[Turbo Dave]

I so wish I didn't have to leave for work right now so I could read this. Got the cliff notes though. hard to tell if you are waking up or not. I can offer further evaluation upon my return from work tonight around 6 p.m.



That is all.

i shall wait for your return.

in the meantime im just gonna do some drug-

ahh god dammit ok im just going to work on my 5.1 surround sound system i bought from those stupid guys in that white van that I wrote a fake check too.

[Turbo Dave]

as the rush comes....


through my speakers!!!

ZZooooOMMM

zoom

zzZZOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM(over here)

[J-specCb4]

good for u dude.... i read the entire two posts, and im actually pretty impressed.... i sure hope u get things to work out the way u want them to.... ever thought of dropping EVERYTHING and just moving away from everything that has made u the way u are?

[WiKKeDV16]

Lol...dave....dave dave....ull never change..haha...stay well brother..

[cp[mike]]

theres just something about engines that calms me down...

[sunburn]

Something told me to wake up early today,I wouldent want to miss another priceless thread from Dave.

[Brandoncb7]

theres just something about engines that calms me down...

You should be going to MIT or something.

[Turbo Dave]

good for u dude.... i read the entire two posts, and im actually pretty impressed.... i sure hope u get things to work out the way u want them to.... ever thought of dropping EVERYTHING and just moving away from everything that has made u the way u are?

I Typed way too much so I made my clear response in bold and the rest is just jargon italicized in Grey i didnt want to delete it so i just made it optional because it doesn't really have anything to do with the reply.

yes, but i have responsibilities here right now. I have stuff to take care of, but that will be over soon. as soon as finish school which i took this semester off and i have 2 more then I am out of here. Im going to cali for surgery so I will see how I like it there.

I've been to vegas and denver, and I like them both. I have a very good friend who went to full sail here in fl and then moved out to vegas and he races he has a turbo eclipse and hes a good kid clean and smart and stays out of trouble and one of my best friends, sort of a life freind i wont talk to him for like 3 months then bam i'll be in vegas with him. We are just lifelong friends we dont really talk everyweek just when somethings new or something our real connection is our love for cars and film (he went to school for film and I used to want to).

I live in a place that is really wild, University of Florida (where I got my jaw broken) was rated the number one party college by playboy. And Winter Park High School was rated the number one party high school in the US by playboy. My entire community where I live smokes pot, probably about 75% of the parents, and 98% of the kids. Literally. Every house that has someone I know in it, they smoke pot, and so do their parents, usually not together though, but I can't remember the last time I didnt see pot in the parents clothes drawer. I live in the brother city of my High School, which is comprised of people who only make hundreds of thousands, where in some parts of winter park, people make 2 million a year. I'd say the average rich kid in my town has parents that bring in 150 - 200k a year, while the rich parents of Winter Park make 250-500k a year.

Its not a joke, a long time ago, when I was about 14 or so, before I did drugs or anything, My friend named john who lived down the street had a really rich dad. Divorced parents, but his mom lived down the street. I remember one time going over to his dads, and he told me how rich his dad was and stuff and that his dad had a ton of cocaine, I didn't believe him, and he showed me about a half pound of cocaine taped under his sink.

Then in highschool, my xGF Jenny, who I eventually set up with my best friend in track Justin who wanted a GF and I told him I know of a girl but he had to treat her right because her XBF (my x best friend from band) turned out to be an asshole coke head, whose dad owned part of delta and also 3 1969 mustangs 3 2001 35th anniversary edition camaros and about 10 other ultra rare iconic muscle cars with under 30k miles. His dad also did coke every now and then, but then again, when you have a hundred million what else do you do? So anyways Jennys dad also did coke but he also managed a major car sales lot like lexus or something. Oh

Thats right....

Pretty much, The cool kids in marching band, the cool kids in school, all did coke, I remember going over to my friend Tims apartment back in highschool and everybody was doing coke. My GF Delaney who i still drunk dial and who made me hate my life and be eternally depressed over, was with me at the time and I wouldn't let her do coke (I was 18 she was 17) and she was in crew and had to row and DAMN did she have fine legs, but sometimes she would do it anyways rarely when i wasnt around but besides me and her and jenny would only do it socially everyone else did it, christine too which all 3 of those girls i dated and loved and I still talk to christine and jenny.


I went way off topic the point is, where I live, coke and weed are everywhere, and apparently i have heard that now dope like painkillers are the cool drug, so thats what kids do saturday night. not cool.

So my point is yeah, I would like to leave I have a super long history here, a lot of connections, alot of people know me, I mean, you can mention my name at VCC, SSC, UF, FSU,UCF,USF,Flagler, UNF, winter park, Lake brantely High, Lake Mary High, and except for the last 2 (who only the girls sports would know me) And chances are 1 out of 10 people knows who I am. Really, I can go to a party, and say my name, and people who I've never met will be like "DAVID BRADSHAW IS HERE????" Im not bragging about my popularity, trust me, most of it isn't for a good reason. It's just that its really cool when last year I met a girl and asked her out, and everywhere we went for the entire year be it a party a movie, someone knew me. That actually led to me being dumped, because she got mad saying "they are my friends you cant hang out with them unless im there" stupid jealous girl. Girls used to introduce me to other girls and they would be like "OH... your david bradshaw?" Im infamous but wow i just realized..... when I moved to New York, or went on a cruise, I had a clean slate, but fuck, so many people where i lived in NY knew me, imagine a town of only like 5 maybe 10 thousand, I knew every kid in that town after 5 months.

Wherever I go, I get known, and fast. Especially in a small place.

Sometimes, sometimes it doesnt work for me, certain places i just don't get popular, big places I don't get all the attention. maybe that's what i need.

I know this was really long. I was just trying to figure out if being known is good. See, in small towns, I become king, I had immunity with the cops in a small town in new york, because i saved some kids life.

Like here, even though its in florida, its small, and the cops know me, and they look for me, they want to get me. But in a big place i would be less likely to get in so much trouble as I've gotten so many tickets and its all a bunch of bullshit like once there was a school zone but if you came from one street and turned left all you saw was a 25mph sign, which was the end of the school zone, so if you came from that turn, the 300 feet of school zone before the sign wasnt posted or 500 feet or whatever, anyways, i got to 25 and passed the sign, a cop was on the other side of a wooden fence, and the sign, so you couldn't see the cop until you passed the sign, but after the sign you can go 25, but he said that even though he got me going 26 i was going that fast before the sign in the school zone. See bullshit like that I had a legal case but they fucked up and never sent me a reminder note for court and i missed it i shouldnt even of gotten the ticket and they always send a reminder note so I always wait for one. But even then he was after the sign maybe when the front of my car got to the sign my turbo spooled to 20 psi and i went from 15 mph to 26 in 10 feet... lol. Or I just need to move somewhere that doesnt have families with 5 and 9 year old kids every other house so cops wont be anal about everything.


I like vegas alot, it seems like my kind of place. not to small, but not country like wide open BFE shit. California is so diverse, Id have to go near berkely, or to berkely!! or somewhere near hollywood, I would probably blend in.

But Denver, the weed laws, the atmosphere, I would enjoy that. I could go back to NY, but I liked North Jersey better, like bergan county or whatever. But Nah already been to NY/NJ I want west coast. I cant stand snow that much, Only way I would go to denver is if I had a 2.5rs Coupe with the turbo swap and suspension. Then I would, Either that or 87 -97 bmw 325ix. And maybe even a g35x (I sold one when I worked as a car sales guy)

The west coast is more "free-thinking" I believe. I like that. So Yeah, Id like to go somewhere near the west coast. I like the area around new mexico or kansas maybe nebraska but closer to nevada or colorado.

Hell maybe i should go to Europe.

on second thought. no way in hell, I hate Europe. Im an American, though The way america is going. Man I got a whole nother long speech but thats for later.

Deeve once said to me about 9/11 "anyone can make a video or watch a video about 9/11 but that doesnt mean anything it could all be made up, the only real way to truly find out the truth is if you were to go and do all the research yourself and find out for yourself" well I've joined alot of 9/11 groups local and internet, I've done a ton of research, gotten unreleased government files recordings all sorts of data i shouldnt have and lots of footage and a bunch of stuff from the free information act. I kind of went crazy over it for the last 6 months.

but that is the end of that.

So hopefully if America stays America I want to stay in it, and I want to go to the west coast of it. As sick as this sounds, I would have wanted to be in NY when 9/11 happened. I want to experience the world ending and total chaos. California is cool cuz of earthquakes that would be awesome.

But If the world ended tomorrow I would be happy that it did I've been waiting for it to since i was born. It would just make me so relieved I didn't have to live my life and become anything close to my parents. and if i did survice a global apocalypse, I still wouldnt have to live this stupid life. I'd rather be swinging from trees.


Trying to keep myself busy and not think about doing bad things so I typed alot sorry.