When "I'm Sorry" just isn't enough....

[Julianachos]

How could you try to relate when your DAD lost his job? How is that putting a big strain on you? I don't understand, enlighten me.

Why would you end your relationship because your dad lost his job? You're on a completely different chapter than everyone else....so flip back a couple hundred pages and try not to stray away.

If I am wrong here, please point me in the right.

I live with my dad? He can cause stress in the family cause he's stressed? Then that makes me stressed, which can make me make a mistake in my relationship?

I did act a little different after his layoff, but not to the point where I lost my mind in an instant.

[F22HB]

My girlfriend asks me why I never get her flowers anymore... I usualy respond with "you've NEVER gotten me flowers, soo...." I'm kindof a douche sometimes.

[F22HB]

I live with my dad? He can cause stress in the family cause he's stressed? Then that makes me stressed, which can make me make a mistake in my relationship?

I did act a little different after his layoff, but not to the point where I lost my mind in an instant.

Bills will make you a different person lol.

[WilliamW]

Dude, TRUST ME, I have been there...done the same. I've never been physical with my wife, but instead I take it out on things like doors, kitchen drawers, picture frames, shit that is sentimental to her....and THEN I proceed to scream at her to clean it all up. And she does.

There is nothing you can do when you go too far man. You just have to cool down and let her cool down. Once both of you have a calm head, THEN you can talk rationally.

My wife did get her mental evaluation and they said they have no doubt she's bipolar. The other night was insane...she did something she shouldn't have...that she promised me she would never do. I got pissed off and confronted her about it but I was letting it go....she doesn't know when to let it go. She keeps instigating shit and I sat there in bed and said goodnight. She said "you're making me want to go hurt myself" I said fine go ahead....and she sure did. She beat her head with a frying pan and then whipped herself with a spatula...it got to the point where she was going "ah....ah" because it was hurting. Needless to say, I couldn't put up with the shit so I went into the kitchen and broke the spatula in half. I then proceeded to take all the knives out of the drawer and throw them across the room....one of them even got stuck through the sliding door blinds. I took out the drawers and slammed them as hard as I could on the kitchen floor, one by one. She was screaming at me to stop and I kept taking them out....and the last one I just held there and stared her straight in the eyes and watched her beg me to stop, yet I did it anyways. Sent pieces flying everywhere.

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be a dick or anything, but Mike, If you let yourself get anywhere CLOSE to that kind of crap, saying "i'm sorry" or trying to make up for it isn't the solution. I would look at the underlying issues. Why you want to know so badly, and why you can't let it go. I think it'll take more than just an apology, it'll need a change in character, and a bit more understanding.

That's all within reason, you have to set things out for yourself such as (simplified to the extreme for my point) if "John Doe" hits "Jane Doe" because he was totally wasted and Jane Doe lost his pepsi, will Jane leave John? Some people it's a no tolerance thing and they will leave, they won't put up with it and no matter how much John says "I'm sorry" it won't change her decision to leave him. I'm just saying that it sounds more like a change in character is needed more than a REALLY BIG apology.

If it ever gets to the point of acting physical, throwing things, beating things up, taking out anger out on anything other than what was made for abuse (punching bag) there is a huge problem. But that's just my take on relationships.

[DJ metadelic]

It's been my experience that time works better than "sorry".

Letting things cool down, then discussing the issue.

Without details on what went down, I can only reply with this much, but like Ray said, you gotta see it through. Mike, I don't know much about your personal life. I like to keep it that way lol, as would you. As you may or may not know, after 5 years of being together Vi and I originally "took a break", but are now just friends. You know that "taking a vaca" from each other shit rarely works...which means we don't talk to each other pretty much at all.

Shit got out of hand in my situation too. I was heartbroken. Mainly because I essentially lost the love of my life, but also because I lost my best friend. It's only recently (past couple weeks) that I've been talking about everything with people. If you two are truly meant to be together, things will work themselves out. Quite simply, my best advice to you is to be true to yourself, and her. Be the genuine person she fell in love with initially. If she doesn't realize that you made an honest mistake in "flipping out" so badly over something that to her may not be a big deal but in reality IS, then she might regret it.

[bobbycos]

time heals all wounds

all things will pass

cliche but true

take care of yourself and remember we are here to help however we can

[quickangel93]

Dude, TRUST ME, I have been there...done the same. I've never been physical with my wife, but instead I take it out on things like doors, kitchen drawers, picture frames, shit that is sentimental to her....and THEN I proceed to scream at her to clean it all up. And she does.

There is nothing you can do when you go too far man. You just have to cool down and let her cool down. Once both of you have a calm head, THEN you can talk rationally.

My wife did get her mental evaluation and they said they have no doubt she's bipolar. The other night was insane...she did something she shouldn't have...that she promised me she would never do. I got pissed off and confronted her about it but I was letting it go....she doesn't know when to let it go. She keeps instigating shit and I sat there in bed and said goodnight. She said "you're making me want to go hurt myself" I said fine go ahead....and she sure did. She beat her head with a frying pan and then whipped herself with a spatula...it got to the point where she was going "ah....ah" because it was hurting. Needless to say, I couldn't put up with the shit so I went into the kitchen and broke the spatula in half. I then proceeded to take all the knives out of the drawer and throw them across the room....one of them even got stuck through the sliding door blinds. I took out the drawers and slammed them as hard as I could on the kitchen floor, one by one. She was screaming at me to stop and I kept taking them out....and the last one I just held there and stared her straight in the eyes and watched her beg me to stop, yet I did it anyways. Sent pieces flying everywhere.

It was a bad night....but can I take it back? Nope. I fixed most of the drawers, but there are some nasty gouges in the hard wood floor. Knives cut up the walls and I ended up breaking some picture frames. Can't take it back man...but can't dwell on it either. Went to bed and the next morning, SHE apologized to ME since she instigated everything. I let it go and it's over now. But I will say....there's nothing you can do except say sorry and let everything cool down.

the best advice. dude i've been if your boat a shit load of times. all you could do is say sorry and give it time. eventually she will give up and be cool with you again

[Makaveli2k]

A properly angled erect penis into the anal Orfice usually fixes any problem. You've got a leak in your bath tub. BOOM, Penis -> anal Orfice and it's fixed.

Don't know what it is. I tend to deal with situation as it comes along. My first reaction would be to say F off, if you can't accept a genuine apology than you don't deserve it.

[DJ metadelic]

A properly angled erect penis into the anal Orfice usually fixes any problem. You've got a leak in your bath tub. BOOM, Penis -> anal Orfice and it's fixed.

Decent, however irrelevant advice. the norm from Mak. Good sig material, I'd say. JK

Don't know what it is. I tend to deal with situation as it comes along. My first reaction would be to say F off, if you can't accept a genuine apology than you don't deserve it.

You might not want to say F off Mike, but if she is being difficult about everything give it a little bit before you bring it back up. I nag sometimes. It annoys women. Oops. You'll figure it out meng.

[HenRoc]

No matter how many times you say your sorry..they'll never forget. It will be used as some sort of leverage in relationships to get what each other wants.

It isn't healthy...time can heal things but...one never forgets.

[deevergote]

It's been my experience that time works better than "sorry".

Letting things cool down, then discussing the issue.

Without details on what went down, I can only reply with this much, but like Ray said, you gotta see it through. Mike, I don't know much about your personal life. I like to keep it that way lol, as would you. As you may or may not know, after 5 years of being together Vi and I originally "took a break", but are now just friends. You know that "taking a vaca" from each other shit rarely works...which means we don't talk to each other pretty much at all.

Shit got out of hand in my situation too. I was heartbroken. Mainly because I essentially lost the love of my life, but also because I lost my best friend. It's only recently (past couple weeks) that I've been talking about everything with people. If you two are truly meant to be together, things will work themselves out. Quite simply, my best advice to you is to be true to yourself, and her. Be the genuine person she fell in love with initially. If she doesn't realize that you made an honest mistake in "flipping out" so badly over something that to her may not be a big deal but in reality IS, then she might regret it.

That's some very good advice.


Mike,
I assume you've already said you're sorry. I assume you meant it. Leave it at that. When things cool down, and the situation can be discussed calmly by both parties... do so. Until then, nothing good will come of it. Say you're sorry, mean it, and let it go for now. If you had a reason to be mad, she should be doing the same thing.

It seems to me that whatever it was that caused you to blow up is still an issue. It needs to be addressed. It also seems that she's projecting the problem onto you... she did something wrong, you responded in a way that was probably over the top... and now YOU are the problem. You've added a second problem, but that doesn't eliminate or excuse the first problem that started it all. From the sounds of it, you BOTH have something to work on.
You didn't hit her. You don't have a history of verbal abuse, I assume (I've known you for a while on here, and you certainly don't seem like someone that could be that way). I assume that you didn't break all her stuff, or go running up and down the street telling everyone what a horrible person she is... You got mad, lost your temper, said things you shouldn't have said I'm sure, and probably kept at it longer than you should have. If she gave you a reason to be angry, and you didn't just flip out because she forgot to put the mayonnaise back in the fridge... then honestly, "I'm sorry" should be more than enough.


I've said this to everyone in relationship trouble, so now it's your turn. If you don't feel that you can successfully fix these issues on your own, I would seek counseling. Most health insurance plans will cover it, or at least most of it. It may seem uncomfortable... but honestly, it's a step towards saving a relationship that may need serious attention NOW, before problems continue to grow.

[DJ metadelic]

That's great add-on advice from Deev, Mike. Use it!

[deevergote]

Relationship counseling is what I went to school for, and what I will be returning for my doctorate in once I finish paying off my house in a year or two. Not that I'm pretending to be anything official here... it's hardly the setting... but when I give such advice, it's done with an education (and a good deal of experience) behind it. Not just "this is what I think is best".

[MikeW]

Ah so you were trying to force someone into giving an answer that they diddn't want to give you?

Pretty much.

Woodman, do you two even talk to each other?

Yes. We're married and we live together.

Mike,
I assume you've already said you're sorry. I assume you meant it. Leave it at that. When things cool down, and the situation can be discussed calmly by both parties... do so. Until then, nothing good will come of it. Say you're sorry, mean it, and let it go for now. If you had a reason to be mad, she should be doing the same thing.

It seems to me that whatever it was that caused you to blow up is still an issue. It needs to be addressed. It also seems that she's projecting the problem onto you... she did something wrong, you responded in a way that was probably over the top... and now YOU are the problem. You've added a second problem, but that doesn't eliminate or excuse the first problem that started it all. From the sounds of it, you BOTH have something to work on.
You didn't hit her. You don't have a history of verbal abuse, I assume (I've known you for a while on here, and you certainly don't seem like someone that could be that way). I assume that you didn't break all her stuff, or go running up and down the street telling everyone what a horrible person she is... You got mad, lost your temper, said things you shouldn't have said I'm sure, and probably kept at it longer than you should have. If she gave you a reason to be angry, and you didn't just flip out because she forgot to put the mayonnaise back in the fridge... then honestly, "I'm sorry" should be more than enough.

I've said this to everyone in relationship trouble, so now it's your turn. If you don't feel that you can successfully fix these issues on your own, I would seek counseling. Most health insurance plans will cover it, or at least most of it. It may seem uncomfortable... but honestly, it's a step towards saving a relationship that may need serious attention NOW, before problems continue to grow.

Relationship counseling is what I went to school for, and what I will be returning for my doctorate in once I finish paying off my house in a year or two. Not that I'm pretending to be anything official here... it's hardly the setting... but when I give such advice, it's done with an education (and a good deal of experience) behind it. Not just "this is what I think is best".

Thank you everyone. Thank you Mike(deev). Things are healing but there are still issues at hand. I dont want to, but i'll make my "Big Thread"...