Im not sure if im looking for advice or just trying to see if im not that crazy. Well this problem doesnt involve drugs, law, or anything illegal but primarily love and relationship.
As it goes now, I am in a relationship with a beautiful girl who is 22 and im 24. We met in college and well we love each other. She isnt pregant, and I havent cheated and dont look into that, I am pretty contempt, hell i may marry this woman, but that will be years from now we get out in the real world once we finish graduate school and shit.
Anyways, I am the type of person who doesnt forget shit, it could be trivial or semi trivial or important, i generally remember alot. Anyways, from the beginning of our relationship I was a stupid and naive and asked dumb questions that I shouldnt have asked.
One queston was how many parnters shes had, and the problem is that I have a very active imagination, well my number is 4 and hers was , not bad, but hers is more than mine so pride got me, but she is a girl and they hold the key to promise land unless you have a roofy or cash, or something.
Then I asked craziest place you done it, well this question would have been fine if I saw her as just a fuck, or maybe years down the road,but anyway she told me and It took me a while to come to terms with it in an aspect of not getting anxiety when i see something that reminds me of it.
Anyway down the road months into I found something out I didnt like. At the beginning of the relationship I asked if she is still talking to any ex since thats a big no no for me, and maybe for you the reader. Well she said she wasnt and well months later while coming to meet her at the school library her email was popped open and a wall of mails from ex were on there. I felt betrayed in a sense. Its no as bad as her fucking another guy, but the trust and sincereity I had for went away. Well she got mad at me for me saying please stop talking to him. That moment I felt like I should of just left her and had her come back to me, but i listened to her and she said he was just a friend. I believed it and life conitued. Well sort of, never really trusted her for some time, partially still dont now because of a scar.
Well fast forward some, and she let me borrow her laptop, which she had her email logged into. I signed out of it just to not be that guy. Later on in time I walk back into the library to meet her and guess what i see again. I flp, fucking cry and she finally complies and promises not to speak to him.
I borrowed her lap top again, this time i broke and went through her mail. Saw her messages, all but one was pg. The pg ones where how was ur day and blah blah. One was mentioning some pics that was before me. I check attachements. I find the pics. Nothing pleasing. Softcore. No I will not show them, I dont have them. Plus out of respect I wont.
Well anyway, i get pyschologically fucked up. Balling and crying. Never felt right to her. Still had sex but mentally wasnt there. Tried to not think of it. Anyway longstory short, I am good now, we are good now. Everythign has been settled. I asked her once 2 months ago if she has gotten any emails and she said no.
out of all of these I guess my thoughts and a possible question out of this is:
I know it was her past, everything that was mentioned except for the email converstaion but not the pictures were before I existed to her and she existed to me. Its bizarre that a stranger would have an effect on me, or that I allow that effect to happen to me. I am happier than I have ever been before, except when I opend my SNES and watching saturday morning cartoons. I guess I am just trying to move forward and say fuck you to the past.
As it goes now, I am in a relationship with a beautiful girl who is 22 and im 24. We met in college and well we love each other. She isnt pregant, and I havent cheated and dont look into that, I am pretty contempt, hell i may marry this woman, but that will be years from now we get out in the real world once we finish graduate school and shit.
Anyways, I am the type of person who doesnt forget shit, it could be trivial or semi trivial or important, i generally remember alot. Anyways, from the beginning of our relationship I was a stupid and naive and asked dumb questions that I shouldnt have asked.
One queston was how many parnters shes had, and the problem is that I have a very active imagination, well my number is 4 and hers was , not bad, but hers is more than mine so pride got me, but she is a girl and they hold the key to promise land unless you have a roofy or cash, or something.
Then I asked craziest place you done it, well this question would have been fine if I saw her as just a fuck, or maybe years down the road,but anyway she told me and It took me a while to come to terms with it in an aspect of not getting anxiety when i see something that reminds me of it.
Anyway down the road months into I found something out I didnt like. At the beginning of the relationship I asked if she is still talking to any ex since thats a big no no for me, and maybe for you the reader. Well she said she wasnt and well months later while coming to meet her at the school library her email was popped open and a wall of mails from ex were on there. I felt betrayed in a sense. Its no as bad as her fucking another guy, but the trust and sincereity I had for went away. Well she got mad at me for me saying please stop talking to him. That moment I felt like I should of just left her and had her come back to me, but i listened to her and she said he was just a friend. I believed it and life conitued. Well sort of, never really trusted her for some time, partially still dont now because of a scar.
Well fast forward some, and she let me borrow her laptop, which she had her email logged into. I signed out of it just to not be that guy. Later on in time I walk back into the library to meet her and guess what i see again. I flp, fucking cry and she finally complies and promises not to speak to him.
I borrowed her lap top again, this time i broke and went through her mail. Saw her messages, all but one was pg. The pg ones where how was ur day and blah blah. One was mentioning some pics that was before me. I check attachements. I find the pics. Nothing pleasing. Softcore. No I will not show them, I dont have them. Plus out of respect I wont.
Well anyway, i get pyschologically fucked up. Balling and crying. Never felt right to her. Still had sex but mentally wasnt there. Tried to not think of it. Anyway longstory short, I am good now, we are good now. Everythign has been settled. I asked her once 2 months ago if she has gotten any emails and she said no.
out of all of these I guess my thoughts and a possible question out of this is:
I know it was her past, everything that was mentioned except for the email converstaion but not the pictures were before I existed to her and she existed to me. Its bizarre that a stranger would have an effect on me, or that I allow that effect to happen to me. I am happier than I have ever been before, except when I opend my SNES and watching saturday morning cartoons. I guess I am just trying to move forward and say fuck you to the past.
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