I found out the day before Thanksgiving my girlfriend was pregnant. She is on birth control and has told me she never missed a day. I must have some super sperm. Anyways we were excited, both love eachother very much and were looking forward to this. We are both in school and had all ready pretty much figured out how to take about 2-3 classes a semester and still work. I am 24 and she is almost 21, both responsible people, both hard working, and we were financially ready for a little boy/girl. I left work early yesterday after she called saying she was bleeding and had cramps (signs of miscarriage). We sat in the ER for probably about 8.5 hours after numerous tests, urine, blood, ultrasound, pelvic which for woman looks and sounds painfull. Ultrasound determined 6.5 weeks through pregnancy and hormones determine she was, but there was no heartbeat to be found. She is very upset as I am too, but also sort of very little relieved because of the school thing. I mean there are going to be future opportunities for us, she is the one for me, and i am the one for her. Am I a bad person for thinking that way? Has this happened to anyone before? The doctor said its a 1 and 5 chance for woman to miscarry 20%. I was just wondering, let me hear your input. Thanks guys/girls.
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Hola, tengo tres patas. Me llamo tripod.
Originally posted by d112crzy -
to be honest having a kid while in college screws your lives up. your thinking now yea you can do it but when the time comes you'll think otherwise. i wouldn't think your a bad person cus you felt relieved cus i wouldve pushed for an abortion.
if your gf is that young and got a miscarriage. might want to rethink about the two of you bearing child in the future. i work at a clinic and we have a few ppl get miscarriages in every single pregnancy they get due to a number of reasons such as to skinny, over weight, not eating right, etc.So SIIC...
SoCal OG bitches... -
well ... i had my kids very young and although i love em to death and dont regret having em one bit .. there are times where i wish i would have waited. where i wish i wouldnt have had to struggle w/ school and work and the kids all at the same time. i was 22 w/ 3 kids, had just left their dad, still in school and working and doing it all alone. you all are young ... and the stress of kids can interfere w/ u alls relationship if ur not ready.
no your not a bad person for thinking the way you do. if she does miscarry then it just isnt time for you all yet.
would you rather struggle to pay bills, figure out how to handle school work and make ends meet or wait on the child, finish school, become more than financailly stable but have money put away for a baby, a place of your own ect.
no matter what happens im sure everything will work out for the best!
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I know how you feel man...My ex-gf had a miscarriage and I was mad relieved....I knew we werent right for each other though and I knew that bringing a child into our relationship would just be unfair to the child....I knew an abortion wasnt an option so I just viewed as gods way of doing it.....I did feel like I was a douche for feeling that way though.
We were both in college full time and we decided that we would take a year off or watever after the child was born....but I didnt want to do that cuz I knew taking a year off would probably lead to me not ever finishing school....plus I knew the disappointment my parents would have felt and that was the worst to think about.
The miscarriage did pretty much signify the beginning of the end of our relationship though....Everything just went downhill from there and she blamed me for everything (like it was my fault or something lol)....Hopefully you guys dont end up the same way we did....Although it seems you guys have a much better relationship then we did....I am happier without her though.Last edited by King James; 12-04-2007, 03:09 PM.Comment
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You aren't bad at all...not one single bit...you are a perfectly normal human being and having normal emotions and feelings, and they are valid emotions. Having a kid, whether you can raise them or not, is a VERY hard thing, and while you are in school...damn hard...those feelings of relief are ok...really.
At the same time you got it in your head that you'd have a little one around...and now you are dealing with the sadness of that not happening...again...that is ok too.
Unfortunatly our emotions do not match up and are not logical...but it is ok that you feel this way.
I know where you're coming from on this, I know you feel guilty for feeling relieved, and at the same time you are saddened by the loss...whether you planned on this or not...you still feel it's a loss. So you've got conflicting emotions...but it's ok, really.
My fiance and I use the pill but still use other methods as well...just in case, maybe this was to be a learning experience for you. Before we used the pill we had a big scare...I mean a big one...not as bad as yours though but...pretty close. We made some decisions we didn't think we would ever have to make.
Once I found out we no longer had to make those plans...I was relieved...I remember nearly collapsing on my bathroom floor that night...sighed a deep sigh of relief...but then...I was depressed...I wanted a son/daughter.
Eventually my logic centers kicked in...I realized it was a VERY bad time to have a kid and this was for the better, for now. I vowed to never let us come that close again until we were ready.
I could go into how 50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage and numbers like that but...I think that's all a little beside the point at this time.
One word of caution...don't assume she is ok though, she may start acting like everything is back to normal in a few days, maybe a week...but more than likely she will be dealing with this longer and harder than you will, and she may not show it outwardly. So...keep an eye on her, talk with her, make sure she knows you understand how she feels (most likely just like you do) and that you understand her mixed feelings, and if she wants to talk, you can listen...if she just wants to cry, then you will hold her.
In closing...do I pat you on the back and say..."close one"...or...say..."sorry man" instead? It's a little of both...and I think...in my opinion...you will need to deal with it as both...in your own way of though.
I'll keep you in my prayers though__
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I dont think the relationship will end because of this, she didnt blame me and I didnt blame her for this. We still plan on living together come the summer until we can afford a house together which should only take another year.
Now for the clinic worker, she is 20 and is 5'5" and weighs 125. She eats very healthy and takes care of herself. My mom was shorter and weighed less when she had my sister and she was 36. My mom is a nurse and she didnt say this happened because of her weight. Im sure if she was too skinny the doctor would have told her. He simply said thats its not uncommon these days with all the research its 1 and 5 that it happens. There is nothing you can do about it. Just a sign from God i guess to wait it out a little longer.
Oh well everything happens for a reason i guess. I appreciate the comments guys, I dont feel to much of a dick anymore for being the 50/50 guy.
Hola, tengo tres patas. Me llamo tripod.
Originally posted by d112crzyComment
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Ohhh and just so people dont think Im an insensitive asshole who didnt think my ex was dealing with stuff on the inside....The first thing she said after everything was all said and done was "Ohh well now I can smoke weed again"Comment
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Your not a bad person for thinking like that.... I think all things happen for a reason.... Just be happy for now. You and her can get everthing in order for when that big day comes. For most people what you think is love is not.... Your just attached to that person for a while...(1day,1year,5years,ect...) If you two are for each other, you should not have any fear for whats to come. you should talk to her a lil more to see if she is hold'n her feeling back about what happend.... I had a friend like that and she was going crazy inside...She didn't tell anyone, but I could see it in her everytime I was around... Later she broke down and told me that she was put'n all the blame on herself... Thats what you do want ur girl to feel... So keep good thoughts and just keep talking to her. Man I have kids and I wil change your life 4 ever... Your going to have good days and bad... But let me say this anyone can have a kid...But it takes Will, Determination and a lot of your time to be a parent...
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This part is so true. My wife and I are both in school (part time), and we have lost 2 girls thie year to miscarriage. One at 19 weeks and the other at 21 weeks, the first wasn't so hard for me but it was for her, the second was harder on me than her, we had to help each other get throught it. I was kinda relieved both times but still wished it hadn't happened.Originally posted by bcjammerx
It is gonna be hard for ya when it gets closer to the due date cuz you'll remember him/her. Best of luck to ya anyhow and remember it will work out in due time when you are both ready.Comment
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there are very skewed stats involving women who create a miscarriage through self-abuse too. a friend's girl once caused a miscarriage by repeatedly ramming her abdomen into seats/chairs every day. after a few weeks, she miscarried.
it's not uncommon either. a LOT of times, women will secretly do this and tell NO ONE but will feel huge regret after the fact.
miscarriage, natural or induced, is rough on the mind. some are fine afterwards, but most of those i've known feel like they've lost something, like losing a kid almost.
i never understood how quickly you bond with your child. my grandparents had to deal with losing 2 children, one was 16 but the other was just 3 months old. i just thought that yeah, it would suck but it's a 3 year old baby who has no personality.
after my first girl was 3 months old and was actually playing, squeezing you, looking at you (actually probably just toward you), etc, i realized that losing her would end my world. i can't imagine how much earlier a woman will actually emotionally bond with the child, has to be pre-birth.
hopefully you guys can finish school and be where you wanna be before you have any kids. i'm 27 and have a 6 and 2 year old, but life can be tough. instead of law school i'm in the construction industry and all my money pays bills and not much is left over. that's the price you pay. not a lot of ME time either. i'm either changing pull-ups or fixing snacks or giving baths. busy busy busy.
i can't wait until they move out
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