does it make me a jerk if........

[deevergote]

My mom used to smack my ass... she never hurt me, but I was scared to death of making her angry. What's worse, she would threaten to get my 6'4 father to do it! He never did... probably never would have... but I was so scared that I never gave him the chance!

First, your kids must respect you. Second, if they fail to respect you, they should fear you.

[crazymikey]

I think I'd be Russell Peters' father.

"Oi! Russel. Somebody gonna get a hurt reaaaaaal bad."

[deevergote]

I applaud all the men in this thread or on this forum who take care of their children. Keep up the good work.

Ditto on that.

I know that these days, most relationships don't seem to last forever. Not dating, not marriage... But being a parent IS forever, regardless. I'll never understand people that don't want a part in their children's lives.

[wed3k]

how about crashing at your buddies place and staying up till 3am watching stoner movies and then being woken up at 8am by a crying baby?

how great do you think i feel? it makes me want to hold its nose and mouth shut till it stops crying and then let myself out the front door.

[RagingAsian]

Damn yall, I have 22 kids. :roll:

[92turboaccord]

I applaud all the men in this thread or on this forum who take care of their children. Keep up the good work.

Ditto on that.

I know that these days, most relationships don't seem to last forever. Not dating, not marriage... But being a parent IS forever, regardless. I'll never understand people that don't want a part in their children's lives.
__________________

ill be the first....Thank You
my girls are my life and i dont know where id be if it wasnt for them

[NightmareCB7]

^ Same here. Im a stay at home dad. My 8 month old baby girl means more to me then my car and thats sayin something.

[Shadow1]

no OP. it doesnt make you a jerk. i absolutely hate it when my gf kids start crying because they have to go to bed or cant play xbox. i yell at them at the top of my lungs and tell them to stop it or ill make it worse and they shut up. haha

i cant stand a spoiled child.

[Ralphie]

Some awesome stuff going on in here.

I agree with Monica 100%!!!

When i acted up, i got dealt with(time out, loss of priveledges, spankings) and it definitely cemented in the understanding that if i chose to act out, there would be consequences.

Im sure if my parents had been leniant, or not consistent, then things would be a lot different.

I hated them for stuff growing up, but now i appreciate them for it and will take a lot of it to heart when i do infact have children.

[MikeW]

Well.... I heard meh name.

This is going to sound harsh, but when they were little (2-3) I had a paint stick. Paint sticks will break before you can bruise a kid, but they make a lovely, scary "POP"-that sounds way worse than it is. ( I also wrote bible verses on it-outlining my religious right to spank, so if some busy-body ever wanted to call CPS, I would have a first amendment line of defense.)

Lol.

First, your kids must respect you. Second, if they fail to respect you, they should fear you.

Like God, right?

Damn yall, I have 22 kids. :roll:

There's a reason for that...

I got the belts and hairbrushes and the swats on the bottom. I dont believe in physically abusing children, but they need to be taught. Some people say "you can do that without being violent." Eh. That's debatable but punishment seems to be the only way.

[LadyG]

Some children are highly motivated by the prospect of receiving a spanking...
Some don't care.

This applies more as they get older than to little children.

If you have to yell, your doing it wrong. You should be able to speak in a normal voice, and have obedience. Is it that way for me? all the time? Hell naw. But I try to adhere to it as much as I can.

Look at it this way:

You yell at your children often, and enforce your discipline half ass-
One day your 4 y/o is running for the busy street.
You yell their name and "Stop!", in a loud panicky voice, and....
They keep running.

You rarely yell at your children, you enforce your discipline consistently.
Your 4 y/o is running for the street.
You yell their name and "Stop!" in a loud, panicky voice.
They immediately stop.

Why would they be stop? Because you raise your voice rarely, and your commands are enforced. You have conditioned your child to listen to you, the first time they are told to do something. Yelling at your kids conditions them; that you will tell them to stop over and over, then yell at them, over and over, before they actually have to stop the behavior.


What is so shocking about that quoted statement, Mike? lol.

[TracieS]

My friends make fun of me for this but I am 20 and I still fear mom. I tower her to. She will still beat me till this day if she needs to she said and I defiantly aint gone try her. Just to clarify I haven't had a beating since I was 13 I thought i was going to sag and be cool I guess IDk but my pants haven't left my waste since that day.

[The-Gr8-Ox]

I tried that it doesnt work for me. I dont give in and give them what they want. I tell them go see their mother and try to ignore them if i cant figure it out. And yeah i agree with the statement that im not ready for kids. Lol. The first time she told me she was pregnant i didnt even react. I just walked out the house and went to the bar. I slept in a hotel for 3 days before i talked to her again. That was the last drinking benge i went on. I drank about 800 bucks away those 3 days.

Ok. I have 2 young children. They are very well cared for. Get everything they need and most of what they want. They are a large part of my life. Now for the question. Example: i had a great day today and a great attitude to go with it. The minute i pickd them up from daycare my attitude went to shit. I hate hearing a kid cry. Not cuz i feel bad the kid is crying but because the sound just pisses me off. Does this make me a bad person?

DUDE!!! its a normal reaction, your not a jerk. and you may not think it, but your ready for kids just by your concern of whether your a jerk or not. some take it harder,and others not so much. just stay calm.

I have a 3yr old and she is a handful, she see with he eyes, has to be doing 5 things at once, follows my wife and I everywhere thinking shes going to miss something and inbetween those times shes coloring on the wall or furniture and or throwing a fit. so i know how you feel, a crying kid is just so annoying, especially if your watching really good movie.

How i deal with my kid:
step 1: talk normally...bring a deep tone to your voice that denotes your upset.
step 2: don't hesitate to discipline them, i usually count 1-3. its non-physical, but they know it gets serious at 3 if they get loud, i train them to be quiet, so they respond in a normal voice.
step 3: depending on what their doing, take something away from them, I.E.( if you don't finish dinner you wont get a cookie) trust me, they want the cookie, and usually they'll eat to earn the reward. give them something to be motivated for. If they scream in a store or restaurant, leave and go outside, i usually tell my daugter i'll take her home and put her to bed, man she hates that, i'll get right up to the door and just about open it before she start to behave. once she does she stays with me till she proves she'll be on her best behavior.
Step 4: if all else fails, spank them, and if they keep fighting you, try it again until they understand that your in charge. don't let up or give in, i know its hard to spank a child and don't spank too hard, i dislike it, but your breaking them in a sense. its kinda like in the civil wars when they break mustang horses, it took time, but they became good horses.


all in all, if your loving in your disciplinary action, they'll see that in you. over time they come to respect you for it. my dad would spank me till i was raw, but i knew he loved me and didn't like doing it. but i have the utmost respect for him because if you let a child do what he/she wants and never disciplined them, they never learn to respect others and lead a life thinking there are no consequences for their actions and those are the people that think its okay to rob or rape and so on.

i didn't want to be a father as quick as i was, but i know that i had to step up and be the man! even though i don't like diciplining my daughter, i see what a good kid she has become out of it, i get so many compliments from others saying how well behaved she is.
also don't forget to spend as much time with your kids as possible, the closer you are with your kids, the better they take the discipline. reward them for no reason, show your love to them. take them to a park daily to get out all that energy. Trust me when i say this, but that makes my day when i see my happy daughter running around, because later in the day she goes to bed without question and my wife can spend time together

[RagingAsian]

Some children are highly motivated by the prospect of receiving a spanking...
Some don't care.

This applies more as they get older than to little children.

If you have to yell, your doing it wrong. You should be able to speak in a normal voice, and have obedience. Is it that way for me? all the time? Hell naw. But I try to adhere to it as much as I can.

Look at it this way:

You yell at your children often, and enforce your discipline half ass-
One day your 4 y/o is running for the busy street.
You yell their name and "Stop!", in a loud panicky voice, and....
They keep running.

You rarely yell at your children, you enforce your discipline consistently.
Your 4 y/o is running for the street.
You yell their name and "Stop!" in a loud, panicky voice.
They immediately stop.
Why would they be stop? Because you raise your voice rarely, and your commands are enforced. You have conditioned your child to listen to you, the first time they are told to do something. Yelling at your kids conditions them; that you will tell them to stop over and over, then yell at them, over and over, before they actually have to stop the behavior.


What is so shocking about that quoted statement, Mike? lol.

DING DING. Thats what I do. I rearely yell at the kids I take care of ( yes we have 102 of them total, and I have 22 in my group, no bitching please.)

If you rarely yell and you speak with authoirty (yes its possible), kids listen, kids love challenges and they love structure, no matter what they might tell you. because when I raise my voice, all of the kids shut the fuck up. when I walk into a room and my group is in there and they are misbehaving, they see me, straighten up and shut up. yes Its that good. My group was originally all 7 year olds, but I got the bad 5 and 6 year olds and two 8 year olds that were considered bad. some old school structure straighten their asses right up. so my group is 5-8. its surpriseing when you have younder kids (my group) getting everyone of the incentives. no I am not a perfectionist, but the kids know what I expect of them.

[MikeW]

What is so shocking about that quoted statement, Mike? lol.

Nothing. You're right and I totally agree with, and like, your way of doing things. You just came right and were like "paint sticks will break before they leave bruises"