Sister is ruining the family! Help!

[Gyuri87]

I know this is a pretty long message but I will greatly appreciate it if you took the time to read it and suggest any possible solutions.

We have had sooo many problem with my sister for the past years and now it has gone way too far. She is a little mentally challenged but you can't tell unless you know her. I don't even know if I can call it mentally challenged because I see a lot of other white teenage girls being just as stupid and acting the same way, I just don't personally know them which makes me believe that my sister is the worst. Over a year ago, she turned 18. At 18, being considered as an adult you are given a lot more possibilities and privileges than as a teenager and we all know that but how to deal with it when it's your sister who has mental problems and has no idea how she can handle the new privileges and possibilities?

She was giving a credit card, a loan, a phone, wait several phones, buying all kind of things every week that are useless and cost a lot... That's what we found out when my mom found endless bills and letters that she was hiding from us. She has got a loan of 2 grand that she gave a fucking black asshole (don't hear me wrong I'm just angry at this one particular person and friends not black people in general) is what we learned from the police who has come seen us because although she's 18 thought that we should know about it because they have realized she's got issues and went complaining to them about how this one guy didn't give her 2 grand back. She also use all the limit that was on her credit card or even cards I don't even know to buy everything she could and wanted to end up with thousands of dollars of dept that she cannot pay. My poor parents, desperately trying to help her our started slowly paying of her depts while they can't even pay theirs. We all tried talking to her but it just doesn't get in her fucking head. Finally when we thought it was over, we get a phone bill of 1600$. She's got in love with this other black guy living in Haiti and talked to him on the phone non stop for a month without us knowing. My mom was crying in desperation. They love her so much which I can only understand as for how she's a member of the family and she's their kid but I personally hate her. It is really ugly to say for a brother and but I truly do after all this. I would never let anyone hurt her physically if I could do anything about it because she's family but other than that I can't stand her.

Just about 3 days ago the bank called her to tell her they're gonna sue her because of her dept she can't pay. As stupid as she already is, she had to insult them and hang up on their face. although that was unbearably stupid, financial institutes are fucking skunks as well. I mean credit cards are so easy of access. They do it on purpose to trick thousands of people with similar problems. It's one of the shittiest business ever. The worst is that to get the ones she had she had to go to the bank and ask for one... Weren't they intelligent enough to realized she's got issues? You can't talk to her as you do to a normal person. I think if she's sued I should use that fact against them. The worst is that she doesn't feel our pain, no remorse, no mercy, nothing at all and as stupid as she already is she keeps saying she'll give it back. How in the fucking world? We won't even be able to pay the phone bill. We will most likely be in trouble and sued to for how we cannot afford to pay the phone bill. My poor dad is 53 years old and works 75 hours a week and sometimes more to pay his dept and my stupid sisters'. I don't get to spend any time with them. They're never home, we never talk and they only live to give me and my sister everything they can even though I wouldn't ask them a penny today as an adult. She's completely fucking up our lives physically and emotionally. I just adore my parents and I really do and sometimes I can't sleep thinking about how I never get to do anything and how they have no life. I mean what is their fun in life? These people has got their life taken away. All they do is work. What will my dad, this man tell himself once he retires in years and years if it ever will happen before he gets really sick? It's just so painful to know that they have no fun. They are literally slaves in this world. I'm barely 21 and know I wouldn't ever be able to work the way my dad does so how can he who is so much older? He should be the one exhausted and have less energy than I do. I just find it so unfair. They're the kind of people who are ready to help anyone in the need even if it involves putting them under more physical, financial and emotional pressure. I serious think they deserve some kind of help to. It is good to help people but why can't you be helped out too when you're in trouble? It's simply bullshit that's what I think. Although all this seems long, it is only unfortunately to short version.

I wonder what's next.

Thanks for the suggestion(s) and help anyone provides.

[jdmwannabe]

I feel your pain, my sister is now 22 and since she was 16 she has been nothing but trouble. She let friends move in and trash my parents house, her boyfriend sold drugs out of our house, after he split he came back and robbed our house and my car. She had about 8,000.00 in debt that she had turned over to my mom and wouldnt tell my dad about. She began taking the mail and hiding everyone elses mail as well so I was overdue on certain things, she stole and pawned my playstation 2 for booze money. . .She is now starting to wake up and take responsibilty, she finally got a full time job after being fired from 6 jobs in 8 months. Because I care about my sister I took on 4,000.00 of her debt, and now am paying it down. I wish you luck man, maybe someday she will get her act together, all you can do is be as supportive as possible for your parents.

[NorcoAccord]

I don't know what to tell you other then good luck, and I hope everything works out, and I don't blame you one bit for hating your sister I get that way a lot with my brother, to say the least he's bad with money. Anyways bro keep your head up.

[topcop182]

Dude!!!! First off I am so very sorry to hear that. My prayers go out to your Fam! My advice would be to call the credit card companies and try and settle some of that debt. They will work with you and it may save a few thousand from the sound of it. Turn off all the cards, phones, ETC take it all away from that girl. MAKE her get a full time job even if its at the goodwill or some place that employs people of "limited" ablilities. Tell her if she quites that she is DISOWNED and that she has 2 days to get her shit out of the house. ALLand I mean ALL, 100% of the money she makes goes tword her debt. Tell your parents to get a dollar figure in their head Say her debt is 20 thousand your parents pay 9 thousand and the rest is up to her. They wash their hands of the girl no matter if they love her or not! That will take the stress off your parents financially and emotionally. They have to stop enableing her in this outrageous behavior. She will most likely rebel, so let her. If these other guys are so anxious to take care of her, them let them! They will quickly lear that she is dangerious. Take this as you will but this is only my 0.02

[evil_demon_01]

Wow that is a mouthfull
I don't know how alot of parents work so hard - I don't consider myself to be lazy, But I really don't know how they manage to do that to themselves, I really don't think I'd have the energy to do what my parents do.

The "mentally challenged" issue can cause a bit of a problem, and Oh Yes Financialy companies will take FULL advantage of it - after all it's how they make alot of their money - Through unsuspecting customers.

I personally beleive that the best way to learn is the hardest way to learn - I.e let her take the fall and suffer the consequences. THOUGH if it was my sister I don't think I could let that happen - Afterall it is family, And If she can't trust you, who can she trust??

I can't really offer any advice because it is a hard issue, What does she say/do when you try talk to her? Does she acknowledge what your saying and ignore it, Or does she not actually understand the meaning of what your saying?

[Gyuri87]

I don't know what to tell you other then good luck, and I hope everything works out, and I don't blame you one bit for hating your sister I get that way a lot with my brother, to say the least he's bad with money. Anyways bro keep your head up.

Thank you, I appreciate it.

I feel your pain, my sister is now 22 and since she was 16 she has been nothing but trouble. She let friends move in and trash my parents house, her boyfriend sold drugs out of our house, after he split he came back and robbed our house and my car. She had about 8,000.00 in debt that she had turned over to my mom and wouldnt tell my dad about. She began taking the mail and hiding everyone elses mail as well so I was overdue on certain things, she stole and pawned my playstation 2 for booze money. . .She is now starting to wake up and take responsibilty, she finally got a full time job after being fired from 6 jobs in 8 months. Because I care about my sister I took on 4,000.00 of her debt, and now am paying it down. I wish you luck man, maybe someday she will get her act together, all you can do is be as supportive as possible for your parents.

That is just as unbelievable. I;m glad things got better and I really hope they will for me too. Thanks for reading.

Dude!!!! First off I am so very sorry to hear that. My prayers go out to your Fam! My advice would be to call the credit card companies and try and settle some of that debt. They will work with you and it may save a few thousand from the sound of it. Turn off all the cards, phones, ETC take it all away from that girl. MAKE her get a full time job even if its at the goodwill or some place that employs people of "limited" ablilities. Tell her if she quites that she is DISOWNED and that she has 2 days to get her shit out of the house. ALLand I mean ALL, 100% of the money she makes goes tword her debt. Tell your parents to get a dollar figure in their head Say her debt is 20 thousand your parents pay 9 thousand and the rest is up to her. They wash their hands of the girl no matter if they love her or not! That will take the stress off your parents financially and emotionally. They have to stop enableing her in this outrageous behavior. She will most likely rebel, so let her. If these other guys are so anxious to take care of her, them let them! They will quickly lear that she is dangerious. Take this as you will but this is only my 0.02

That is the whole problem man. She doesn't understand. We told her all that already, she just doesn't realize the pain and trouble she's causing. I wish she would work a little an pay her depts off but she just won't. If she does work, she spends it all within a few hours. She has put deposits on cars she cannot afford. Worst is...She doesn't even have a license. Thank god no one sold on to her. They just kept the deposits. She just doesn't realize. We tried talking to her, we've been very nice. I tried hitting the shit out of her head this one time I got angry as hell but nothing works. You can't beat them, can't talk to them. You can't do shit actually. I appreciate that you've read though and I'll be carfaxing your 2 VINs in about 15minutes. Check your inbox soon.

[Gyuri87]

I can't really offer any advice because it is a hard issue, What does she say/do when you try talk to her? Does she acknowledge what your saying and ignore it, Or does she not actually understand the meaning of what your saying?

She's too dumb man she doesn't know what we're talking about. All she always says is I'll give it all back, I'll give it all back but she clearly has no remorse or guilt of any kind. She's totally disconnected from the real world and how it works. My parents help her out, they don't do more than talking and yelling at her, she has never been to court or jail or even beaten up yet so she just doesn't know yet. She thinks she can keep doing what she's doing and it's all good and that nothing else than what has already happened will happen.

[evil_demon_01]

She's too dumb man she doesn't know what we're talking about. All she always says is I'll give it all back, I'll give it all back but she clearly has no remorse or guilt of any kind. She's totally disconnected from the real world and how it works. My parents help her out, they don't do more than talking and yelling at her, she has never been to court or jail or even beaten up yet so she just doesn't know yet. She thinks she can keep doing what she's doing and it's all good and that nothing else than what has already happened will happen.

So the first issue would be that she doesn't understand. Has she been to a guidance councellor of some sort?
Maybe you could show her how things work with small items. I.e small essential items - Bread, milk etc. Help her to realise that these are items that you NEED to survive, and cellphones, creditcards etc are items you WANT.

Just an example - Give her $10 and ask her to go get some milk, If she returns and there is no change left, ask her where it is. If she spent it on something she WANTed, say that you NEEDed that money for bread.
If you get the Oh well response you need to take an action to make her realise whats happened (obviously don't hit her or yell at her) like you could pretend to be starving the next day because you diddn't have any bread to eat - Just something that you think may help.

[slammed4thgen]

you really have to hate lifes burdens...like family.

scissor kick her in the face, then choke her out.

[Gyuri87]

you really have to hate lifes burdens...like family.

scissor kick her in the face, then choke her out.

Ain't so simple.

[slammed4thgen]

Ain't so simple.

sure it is have her arrested for the shit she does

sounds like all the people around her are pushovers and allow her to do the things she does.

[kmart64]

a group home or maybe a work/study program away from your parents...?

[Gyuri87]

sure it is have her arrested for the shit she does

sounds like all the people around her are pushovers and allow her to do the things she does.

I personally wish but like I was saying, my parents can't. For them, not helping her how as long as they can and letting her assume the consequences is like sending their own daughter to jail. They would feel more than guilty. It's just fucked up man.

[Gyuri87]

a group home or maybe a work/study program away from your parents...?

She'd never stay. She thinks she can do whatever she wants and not assume the consequences. Unless someone threatens her life, I doubt she will ever do something she doesn't want to.

[slammed4thgen]

I personally wish but like I was saying, my parents can't. For them, not helping her how as long as they can and letting her assume the consequences is like sending their own daughter to jail. They would feel more than guilty. It's just fucked up man.

well dude as bad as this sounds, they deserve it.

if they cant make the right decision and kick her out or have her arrested than it is all there fault, and when she is like this at 35 and still living in the house than what do they do?
when they are gone what will she do because they havent prepared her for the world, they just hold her hand.

sorry for the issues but maybe you need to talk some sense into these parents of yours, let them know you dont want them to kill themselves working to support her stupid behavior and tell them the right thing to do is kick her out on her ass.

nothing like some real world training!