... And it's not so great, really.
I miss Virginia. At least the sluts I was fucking out there didn't have diseases! Every sexy girl I find people say she's had this or she's had that. Awesome...
My lowered truck just DOES NOT work here. Roads are rough, lots of gravel (which is hard to drive 25mph on with Nitto 420s tires, and these people go fucking 55 on gravel all day. I do too, when I'm in the Ram. But NOT in my truck). My truck gets stuck in our yard where I park it, it gets stuck when I go fishing, it gets stuck all the time. I can't sell it because I owe around 9G on it, and I have no money to buy a cheap piece of shit 4x4. Hell, I have no money period. I basically went a month without a paycheck because I took a week off in VA to get packed, then a week off here to get unpacked, and now I gotta go 3 weeks before the next payday comes around. Horseshit...
I can't afford to go to college. I want to go to SWCC, the local community college, for auto mechanics since I have auto body stuff down as much as I need. But, I can't afford $300 a month for my truck, and my insurance difference from my ticket last july, AND tuition, and gas, and housing (because I can't afford to drive 35 minutes back and forth 5 days a week), and food, and books, and tools, etc. I just can't fucking do it. And I can't get financial aid because they go off last years tax's where my parents were making collectively around $175,000, where as NOW my father is a sheriffs deputy earning MAYBE 12,000 a year, and my mother draws blood at the hospital, and gets paid hourly like I do. What a great fucking a deal. A kid who really wants to go to school, and CAN'T. Awesome.
I miss my ex girlfriend. I couldn't wait to move away from that fucking cunt. She's sexy, and fun to fuck, but I didn't trust her, I was unhappy every time she was with me, and even when she texted or called me. She's already replaced me with some piece of shit who's gonna hit it and quit it. Whatever, she'll never do better than me. WTF how can I miss her? I hate her so much.
I miss my friends. My best friend has been texting me nearly non stop with updates on his RX7. I should have been back there helping him drop the 13b back in, but no, I'm here doing fucking nothing. No homo, but I miss my boy. He was there for me no matter what, no matter how wrong I was, and I don't have that here.
All my former friends are into meth, speed, and crack now. And I can't associate with them or I'll never get on the sheriffs office reserve posse. Not to mention they WILL drag me into that shit, and I don't want my life to be that.
I've got no friends here. I've got no money. I've got a *MAYBE* 20 hour a week job paying $7.45 and close to $400 in expenses JUST to keep my truck and keep it insured. Then I've got to get gas, Cigarettes (though my inability to buy them has me pretty much done smoking. I went from a pack a day to 3 cigarettes a day, and I don't intend on buying another pack once I finish this one). I can't afford food. I've been sick for almost a month.
Someone please just tell me it gets better than this, because I can't fucking stand it. I want to go home. I thought Iowa was home, but now I realize that home is where you can find a good girl. Home is where you've got friends who work hard like you, stay clean like you, enjoy what you enjoy and would never stab you in the back. Home is where you grew up. And I did most of my growing up mentally at least back there. For me, home is Virginia. And now I'm fucking stuck here because I can't afford to move back, and even if I could get there, I'd have no home, no food, still no money, and no job. What the fuck I can't fucking win.
I've had to sell all but 2 of my xbox games. I sold all my car parts that I was thinking I'd have a need for one day. I'm contemplating selling my handgun since I never get to shoot it. At least I could have $450 out it and pay my bills for a month.
I just can't stand it. ALL I do is sleep and work. I go fishing sometimes, but shit, you can't catch anything but a tan from the shore, and I don't have a boat. I have no friends to go with me. I have a truck that can't get where I want to be.
Just fucking great. Thanks, LIFE, for all the great SHIT I've got. Bills, debt, stress and loneliness. And I keep thinking God will come help me out, send a good girl my way, a better paying job, or even just a friend to hang out with once a week even. But nothing. I don't get it. I fixed so much shit in my life. I quit smoking weed, EVEN though I feel like it's God's gift to the earth. But I thought maybe I was wrong that whole time and He frowned upon it, so gone it was. I took my lip ring out and stopped getting tattoos since this is HIS flesh, not mine, and now one day I have to give it back and it's not it the same condition. I try to pray more, and be thankful for what I've got, and THIS is what it's gotten me so far as I can tell. I just don't get it. What the FUCK do I have to do to catch a fucking break in this state? To just know someones name, or meet a girl, or not lose sleep over night thinking about my bills.
I'm sure I'll add more to this later, but I can't stand to type anymore. This just bummed me out even more.
I want to go fucking home.
I miss Virginia. At least the sluts I was fucking out there didn't have diseases! Every sexy girl I find people say she's had this or she's had that. Awesome...
My lowered truck just DOES NOT work here. Roads are rough, lots of gravel (which is hard to drive 25mph on with Nitto 420s tires, and these people go fucking 55 on gravel all day. I do too, when I'm in the Ram. But NOT in my truck). My truck gets stuck in our yard where I park it, it gets stuck when I go fishing, it gets stuck all the time. I can't sell it because I owe around 9G on it, and I have no money to buy a cheap piece of shit 4x4. Hell, I have no money period. I basically went a month without a paycheck because I took a week off in VA to get packed, then a week off here to get unpacked, and now I gotta go 3 weeks before the next payday comes around. Horseshit...
I can't afford to go to college. I want to go to SWCC, the local community college, for auto mechanics since I have auto body stuff down as much as I need. But, I can't afford $300 a month for my truck, and my insurance difference from my ticket last july, AND tuition, and gas, and housing (because I can't afford to drive 35 minutes back and forth 5 days a week), and food, and books, and tools, etc. I just can't fucking do it. And I can't get financial aid because they go off last years tax's where my parents were making collectively around $175,000, where as NOW my father is a sheriffs deputy earning MAYBE 12,000 a year, and my mother draws blood at the hospital, and gets paid hourly like I do. What a great fucking a deal. A kid who really wants to go to school, and CAN'T. Awesome.
I miss my ex girlfriend. I couldn't wait to move away from that fucking cunt. She's sexy, and fun to fuck, but I didn't trust her, I was unhappy every time she was with me, and even when she texted or called me. She's already replaced me with some piece of shit who's gonna hit it and quit it. Whatever, she'll never do better than me. WTF how can I miss her? I hate her so much.
I miss my friends. My best friend has been texting me nearly non stop with updates on his RX7. I should have been back there helping him drop the 13b back in, but no, I'm here doing fucking nothing. No homo, but I miss my boy. He was there for me no matter what, no matter how wrong I was, and I don't have that here.
All my former friends are into meth, speed, and crack now. And I can't associate with them or I'll never get on the sheriffs office reserve posse. Not to mention they WILL drag me into that shit, and I don't want my life to be that.
I've got no friends here. I've got no money. I've got a *MAYBE* 20 hour a week job paying $7.45 and close to $400 in expenses JUST to keep my truck and keep it insured. Then I've got to get gas, Cigarettes (though my inability to buy them has me pretty much done smoking. I went from a pack a day to 3 cigarettes a day, and I don't intend on buying another pack once I finish this one). I can't afford food. I've been sick for almost a month.
Someone please just tell me it gets better than this, because I can't fucking stand it. I want to go home. I thought Iowa was home, but now I realize that home is where you can find a good girl. Home is where you've got friends who work hard like you, stay clean like you, enjoy what you enjoy and would never stab you in the back. Home is where you grew up. And I did most of my growing up mentally at least back there. For me, home is Virginia. And now I'm fucking stuck here because I can't afford to move back, and even if I could get there, I'd have no home, no food, still no money, and no job. What the fuck I can't fucking win.
I've had to sell all but 2 of my xbox games. I sold all my car parts that I was thinking I'd have a need for one day. I'm contemplating selling my handgun since I never get to shoot it. At least I could have $450 out it and pay my bills for a month.
I just can't stand it. ALL I do is sleep and work. I go fishing sometimes, but shit, you can't catch anything but a tan from the shore, and I don't have a boat. I have no friends to go with me. I have a truck that can't get where I want to be.
Just fucking great. Thanks, LIFE, for all the great SHIT I've got. Bills, debt, stress and loneliness. And I keep thinking God will come help me out, send a good girl my way, a better paying job, or even just a friend to hang out with once a week even. But nothing. I don't get it. I fixed so much shit in my life. I quit smoking weed, EVEN though I feel like it's God's gift to the earth. But I thought maybe I was wrong that whole time and He frowned upon it, so gone it was. I took my lip ring out and stopped getting tattoos since this is HIS flesh, not mine, and now one day I have to give it back and it's not it the same condition. I try to pray more, and be thankful for what I've got, and THIS is what it's gotten me so far as I can tell. I just don't get it. What the FUCK do I have to do to catch a fucking break in this state? To just know someones name, or meet a girl, or not lose sleep over night thinking about my bills.
I'm sure I'll add more to this later, but I can't stand to type anymore. This just bummed me out even more.
I want to go fucking home.
)
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