Quite possibly the hardest thing I have ever done

[toycar]

Well, sad news guys. To all you pet owners, this ones for the record books. Its been two weeks now, and I finally feel like I can talk about it.



The backstory;




My dog of 11 years came down with cancer. He had a seizure about 2 months ago out of the blue right in front of me. It was a trip to watch happen, and it seemed like he was being electrocuted by the way his body was flopping around and stuff. Very traumatic to say the least. Took him to the vet and they said that some times shit like this happens and it means nothing, other times its a huge deal.



So, pay $700 or wait and see what happens and then pay $700 if it happens again. We chose to wait and see, but, in the process the vet noticed a mole that had grown on my dog over the years and suggested that it MAY be cancerous. So, flash forward a few weeks and things seem to be going normal again. Nothing out of the ordinary going on and everything seems to be fine.


Until it happened again. This time it wasn't as bad and didn't last nearly as long. We took him to the vet anyways and paid for the tests to be done. It would take 48-72 hours for results, and it was a Thursday. Took my dog home and that night he had another seizure. This one was worse than either previous ones, but he bounced back just the same like nothing had happened. It was terrifying to be honest with you guys to be their first hand and observe it happen.



Friday was cool, nothing happened and he seemed great. Played a bunch, took him to the park, jogged, the whole nine yards. Like nothing was wrong at all.




Saturday came, 1:00 PM on the dot my phone rings. It was the vet. My dog has the cancer and his white blood counts are off the charts. The vet says its bad, and to be prepared for the worst. 6 hours later, my dog had another seizure followed by a stroke and was never the same.


God, as I type this 2 weeks later I cannot help but cry.


Jesus..................









































So basically when he had the seizre right in front of my kids. My wife ushered them out of the room and I went to the dog-but in parent mode. Completely turned off to feelings and only concerned with the obvious. The seizure lasted 30-40 seconds, and I thought he was going to die at one point. Then, out of nowhere he stood up and walked to the door to go outside.


I took him outside, he pee'd and shit like normal.


He came back in the house, made it 10 steps and had a stroke. This was much more extreme than the previously terrifying seizures we had experienced. After holding him close to me so he wouldn't smash into the floors and shit he eventually stopped flopping around. It was so hard to see him like this.


By now it was 8 on a Saturday, and my options were limited.



My vet was on call, but advised me that they wouldn't be able to do anything for me till Monday.




Saturday into Sunday he didn't do much. Sunday we realized he was unable to control his rear legs the same and was having problems doing the most basic of things. He basically slept the entire time, struggling to hold his head up at times and acting like he wanted to go for a walk at others but obviously unable to do anything. He was not in pain, he was not afraid.




Monday I came home at 11-as soon as I could get out of work. I came home to take him to the vet to have him put down. I prepared the car, moved him onto the dog bed I was going to carry to the car and was ready to go.


It was gloomy outside, cold and rainy. I was and am (currently) crying like a little girl.



I picked up my dog and started carrying him to the car. As I carried him to the car, as soon as we stepped off the porch and were being touched by the rain-he died in my arms.





I didn't know what to do. I panicked. It was so hard.




I just sat in the grass, in the rain, for about an hour. I couldnt and cannot believe what has happened to me.





RIP Walter

[phatdoughnut]

Shit man that sounds rough. Something similar happened to us.

I was in Houston for five weeks helping one of our departments, my wife came down to visit ont he third week and when she got back home she felt lumps on my dogs neck. Took her to the vet and doctor said she had lymphoma. He said she had maybe 1 year to live. So we decided we would take her to the beach since she loved it there. Made it down walked around she got wet and that night she couldn't get up to go in the tent. So we decided to go home because the vet would be open on saturday and she could get checked up. Well she made it half way home and she died in my wifes arms in the back of our subaru.

By the time we got home it was 1am so I slept next to her dead body until we could take her to get cremated.

gone in a three week span. Rough as fuck, Never thought I would be affected like this. She was 7.

Even sadder is that she had her last foot steps at the beach where we first took her when she was a puppy.

Im all fucking teary eyed now at work.

[toycar]

Shit man that sounds rough. Something similar happened to us.

I was in Houston for five weeks helping one of our departments, my wife came down to visit ont he third week and when she got back home she felt lumps on my dogs neck. Took her to the vet and doctor said she had lymphoma. He said she had maybe 1 year to live. So we decided we would take her to the beach since she loved it there. Made it down walked around she got wet and that night she couldn't get up to go in the tent. So we decided to go home because the vet would be open on saturday and she could get checked up. Well she made it half way home and she died in my wifes arms in the back of our subaru.

By the time we got home it was 1am so I slept next to her dead body until we could take her to get cremated.

gone in a three week span. Rough as fuck, Never thought I would be affected like this. She was 7.

Even sadder is that she had her last foot steps at the beach where we first took her when she was a puppy.

Im all fucking teary eyed now at work.

Doesnt sound any easier to deal with at all. Im teary eyed at work too man.




Its been hard lately to deal with. I thought I was ready to talk about it, but the truth is I have already cried more about it today than I have in the last few days.


Shitty.




Two things I try and tell myself when my heart hurts about this;



1. Nobody ever taught dogs to fear death, so, maybe they feel differently about it than we think. Maybe my dog was ready to go, and in my arms life couldn't have been any better. Maybe your dog was ready too. In your wifes arms, what could've been better?

2. Its not a curse. It hurts like it does because I cared so much, and because my dog was such an important part of my life. The memory of my dog is not a curse.

[Raf99]

Sorry for your loss. Walter had a good owner and I'm sure he's happy for that. If there's a doggy heaven he's got an owner to brag about. I've been a dog owner my whole life and this is not easy to deal with.

RIP Walter.

[bobbycos]

Walter left knowing he was loved as you were holding him when he died, that is what he needed more than any vet could provide.

you are aware that family members of yours that have passed on now have a dog to play with up in heaven, so Walter is in good company

any plans for burial?


phatdoughnut. your dog died like my cat did, being held by someone they love.


as we all are aware,when you show love to a pet dog/cat/bird...etc etc they will show you love back

my two new cats like to get on the sofa next to me when it is late night and i am watching tv

[toycar]

Thanks for the kind words guys!

Walter left knowing he was loved as you were holding him when he died, that is what he needed more than any vet could provide.

you are aware that family members of yours that have passed on now a dog to play with up in heaven, so Walter is in good company

any plans for burial?

The day it happened I burried him. I dug the whole when I finally caught my breath and crawled out of my lawn. I have some land and live on a hill side so I found a nice SE view and burried him on the hillside so he can watch the sun rise. That was one of our favorite things to do together, so, yeah. Made sense to me.

[sonikaccord]

I hate reading pet stories like this, it's like 1000x worse than the saddest movie ever written. That sucks mans, but at least he's at peace now and out of his suffering. That's very thoughtful of you to bury him in you all's favorite spot

RIP Walter

[bobbycos]

before i forget, how did your kids and wife deal with Walter's passing?

[toycar]

before i forget, how did your kids and wife deal with Walter's passing?

Well, my wife is/was an emotional wreck. She was in the house when it happened getting ready to come out to the car to go with me. She found me in the lawn, obviously having a hard time, and then she was able to figure out what happened.


Its been hard for her. Our 19 month old son was home at the time, so, she tended to him and we split paths. I burried my dog alone, all by myself. It was really hard to deal with in the pouring down, cold rain.







My 19 month old son has no idea but keeps going to the pantry wanting to feed the dog. We think its his way of letting us know that he knows something is up.


My oldest son was pretty upset. Hes in his teens, and the dog has been around most of his life. My son played the "tough guy" role and has so far acted like its no big deal, but, none the less hes been genuinely upset about it and we've had some long conversations about life and death as a result of this happening.



My 6 yr old son is destroyed and at the same time basically wanting another dog. Like the 21-22 word out of his mouth was "are we going to get another dog"


Totally makes things hard to deal with. I can't help but take it personally that he is so ready for a puppy. Its like hes more upset that we have one less dog than Walter specifically is gone. I get it though, hes only 6. Its just hard.



That, and my wife/kids are wanting another puppy now and Im not ready yet. Shitty deal, but what do you do. I travel so much and work constantly-so, I cannot just expect them to wait until I am ready. Shit, Im hardly ever here.


I am just happy I was here for this, and more importantly that it didn't happen while I was 2,000 miles away. Basically, Im happy my wife and oldest boy didn't have to deal with this on their own. It could've happened like that.

[HenRoc]

Sorry to hear about the loss of your dog man. RIP Walter

A friend of mine called me about two weeks ago and told me her beloved cat had died. A pet be it a dog, cat etc affects you hard when they pass.

I was particularly attached to that cat and I took it pretty hard. Considering I was with her for nearly five years..you get attached to that persons pet.

[oni_cb7]

Dammit. I am so sorry. It is always so hard to lose a part of your family like that. I've had to put down two dogs growing up, one that I can barely remember and the other, well, I didn't get out of bed for two days when my parent's put her down.

Now, I am away from my dog and he is five. I seriously want to just get up to leave from where I am just to go home to my dog. Your story seriously touched me and I am sorry that you had to experience this in the way you did. I honestly don't think I could handle things the way you did. Your dog had an amazing owner and probably had an amazing life. Just imagine, he's running around as happy as can be.

You seem like a great owner, and I hope you can adopt another dog to give another amazing life to.

[Jarrett]

Considering the sad, neglected lives that many dogs and others pets in this world are forced to live at the hands of irresponsible owners Walter sounds like he had it pretty nice. I have 5 dogs and each one of them is like a child to me. Maybe in some ways, it's even more special. Your children will be with you for the rest of your life, God willing, and you'll be gone before they are. You feel like you have time to cherish so many things that the little things aren't always special. With pets, it's so fleeting. I know, at best, I have only 3 more years with my oldest dog and she's in perfect shape. She's 10 now, though, and statistics aren't in her favor. When time is so much more real then every thing about them is special. I talk to my dogs like they're my children and treat them with the respect they deserve because I know each one would gladly give their life for me or anyone else in my family. It sounds like Walter was the same way.

I recently found out one of my other dogs has bone cancer in his jaw and it's basically gone on one side. He hasn't quite had the neurological issues to accompany them, for which we're very fortunate, but I know how terrifying it can be. I had my own bout with grand mal seizures after a jet ski accident in 2004 and I hated how something out of my control affected those around me. The best that we can do is exactly what it sounds like you did. They are going through something that they don't understand and they don't have the capacity to search for answers. It's confusing for them, and I'm sure a little scary. If your dog trusts you then your comforting reassurance is the most valuable thing that you can give it. They live to please you and letting him leave knowing that he meant something very special to you likely made him feel content. His purpose in life had been fulfilled.

Know that you provided for him much better than most do. I don't have to know the condition of your home or the makeup of his diet to know this. I can tell by how it affects you that he was not the product of some puppy-purchase 10 years ago that you were still "stuck with". He was family. His life, in many ways, helped bring your family together. In death, it sounds like it's continuing to do the same. Appreciate him for it, and if you choose, take that into your next dog relationship as there are many out there that desperately long for even a fraction of that love and attention.

Great, now I'm crying. Not good in construction. Oh well, get better, man. And thanks for sharing.

[phatdoughnut]

We waited six months. I kept telling my wife that I also wanted to get another dog because I felt alone, even though we had another dog. It just wasn't the same, not "my" dog. She finally caved, she mostly just didn't want to deal with two dogs again, its nice only having one but its x2 as nice having 2.

[N9netwoAccord]

I had to put down my childhood dog a few years ago with my mother. I never cried so hard in my life. The house felt so empty after returning home. I didn't have it die in my arms, and I never had to watch her have a seizure, but I can only imagine. I have my own dog now, and my own place, I dread the day I have to deal with his death, and I feel sorry for you having to go through that. I wish you all the best in your grieving.

[ninethreecoupe]

I had to put down the dog I'd pretty much had since birth when I was 18. She had the gastro whatever thing where the stomach flips. My dad heard her crying and saw her laying on the lawn on her side with her massively swollen stomach. We took her to the vet late at night and they tried to see how bad it was and they said either surgery or put her down. We knew she was really old, so we said our sad goodbyes bawling in between and then watched as the color faded from her eyes as they put the injection in.

We thought she was a little younger than me but turns out after the autopsy or whatever they did they said she was at least 19 years old. Crazy. Who knows when you'll be ready for another dog but you won't be turning your back on Walter if and when you get another.