Need your advice...I'm hurting

[92vig]

I hear you...once a cheater always a cheater. Words of wisdom....but on the other side of that, as human nature shows, we like to take the easy way out. Walking away now...cutting losses...thats easy. It is easy to say "she cheated she will do it again fuck it"....I know this because that was my initial reaction. But I have already laid it out flat for her....I already changed her number, I already deleted a lot of contacts out of her phone, I told her if she is said to be somewhere and I ask for visual proof...a time and date written on paper in a short cell phone video showing her surroundings, she better do it. If I ask to see her phone she better not hesitate. Things that I can implement to watch my back. Thats not the easy way....only a select few people will try to work through it....whether or not it ends up working out down the road or whether or not it ends up feeling right again....thats a chance I have to take. If it happens again then she knows its lights out. I talked to her until 3am about this. If it happens again, I am prepared...I will have the doubts in the back of my head for a long time. One slip up and I am prepared to be done....people fuck up, shit happens...whatever. Call me an idiot, but I do want things to work...but if they dont, then its no surprise to me.

[ceelooboob]

Walk.

x2

[GenDBlade]

Walk.

i fully agree. but you said that shes on thin ice and you want to give her a chance well, be warned that if shes heartless enough to do it once then whats going to stop her from doing it again. i know its been said before but she betrayed your trust and thats not how a relationship, especially a marriage, works.

so i say give her this one chance but if it happens again cut her off like a bad spot on an apple.

[Makaveli2k]

Walk.

Walk hard.

[Night Wolf]

I hear you...once a cheater always a cheater. Words of wisdom....but on the other side of that, as human nature shows, we like to take the easy way out. Walking away now...cutting losses...thats easy. It is easy to say "she cheated she will do it again fuck it"....I know this because that was my initial reaction. But I have already laid it out flat for her....I already changed her number, I already deleted a lot of contacts out of her phone, I told her if she is said to be somewhere and I ask for visual proof...a time and date written on paper in a short cell phone video showing her surroundings, she better do it. If I ask to see her phone she better not hesitate. Things that I can implement to watch my back. Thats not the easy way....only a select few people will try to work through it....whether or not it ends up working out down the road or whether or not it ends up feeling right again....thats a chance I have to take. If it happens again then she knows its lights out. I talked to her until 3am about this. If it happens again, I am prepared...I will have the doubts in the back of my head for a long time. One slip up and I am prepared to be done....people fuck up, shit happens...whatever. Call me an idiot, but I do want things to work...but if they dont, then its no surprise to me.

dude she said in church that she was all yours! what makes you think shes gunna listen to your rules & not try to find a way around it?

[ChIoVnIdCa]

lol one more chance..???????/ You have been married since feb... A couple weeks and she cheats...

[4U2H8ME]

I hear you...once a cheater always a cheater. Words of wisdom....but on the other side of that, as human nature shows, we like to take the easy way out. Walking away now...cutting losses...thats easy. It is easy to say "she cheated she will do it again fuck it"....I know this because that was my initial reaction. But I have already laid it out flat for her....I already changed her number, I already deleted a lot of contacts out of her phone, I told her if she is said to be somewhere and I ask for visual proof...a time and date written on paper in a short cell phone video showing her surroundings, she better do it. If I ask to see her phone she better not hesitate. Things that I can implement to watch my back. Thats not the easy way....only a select few people will try to work through it....whether or not it ends up working out down the road or whether or not it ends up feeling right again....thats a chance I have to take. If it happens again then she knows its lights out. I talked to her until 3am about this. If it happens again, I am prepared...I will have the doubts in the back of my head for a long time. One slip up and I am prepared to be done....people fuck up, shit happens...whatever. Call me an idiot, but I do want things to work...but if they dont, then its no surprise to me.

Yeah, but now you have to take on the resposibilty of becoming her parole officer?? What about you coming thru the front door from work while the jump off slips out the back door. How are you gonna monitor that? Pay the nieghbors? Install web cams? Your gonna have to jump thru hoops in order to monitor her activities. By the time you catch her she could have potentially slept with numerous partners. For all that you know, she could have slept with several other guys, she's only admitting to the one that may have burned her, and you. What happens if next time she contracts herpes? Worse yet aids? As for as I'm concerned, next time could cost you your life. She obviously had unprotected sex with this other dude if he's calling to tell her to check herself out. I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm a single dude and i haven't been in a relationship with a woman for quite sometime, cause I been thru this same shit with chicks, I got tired of it and went back to being the jump off. Now the only problem I have is figuring out who's getting banged out this weekend. I could careless if she's married, single, or in a relationship. I'm gonna tear it and send her on her way. Gamble in a casino, not with your life!

[mysticude]

I had been married twice , divorced twice . And they both cheated and I took them back , cause I was stupid. I should've just walked and went on with my life. And then you ask yourself what you did wrong and why they cheated, but you know what there is no excuse for cheating. I have done it myself and it cost me some one that I can never replace. But that is my fault not hers. And another thing no matter how you try to not do it , you will always see in the back of your mind when your intimate with her, you will see her with the other guy and that don,t feel good.

Deev had the best advise , walk

[TypeG]

get yourself checked and use a condom from here on out. later.

[deevergote]

I was with the same girl from 1998 to 2007. Married in 2006.
In 2000, she cheated on me minorly (hooked up with a guy, but a few times over the course of a summer). I let it go, after being upset for quite some time.

In... I'll have to assume 2004, she started cheating with her married best friend. I didn't know. It continued. 7 months after we were married, I finally found out.
She is now living with him, and has a kid.

It took me 6 months from the time we split for me to feel like I wasn't cheating on her. That seeing someone else wasn't wrong.



Bottom line... if she can set you aside in her own mind, in her own heart, to satisfy her own desires, then you don't mean enough to her. Her own desires are more important to her than you are. She's done it before, and you're a fool if you think she won't do it again. She CAN do it, and that's all that should matter. You deserve better than someone that can forget about you whenever it's convenient for them.

Blame it on whatever mental condition you want. The fact of the matter is, she did it, she was able to do it, and nothing is to say she's not going to do it again. Give her another chance if you must... I did... and I wasted 7 additional years of my life on it.




I'm usually all about communication and working things out. However, she has already communicated to you exactly how much you mean to her. If it was an isolated incident, fine... one lapse in judgment. A friend of mine just went through something like that, and I fully support him in his efforts to repair his relationship.
However, with your wife, it was multiple times. That's not a lapse in judgment. That's selfishness. You don't mean enough to her. You don't mean to her what she means to you... if you're willing to forgive what she's done, you're much more invested in that relationship than she is.


Forgive her. And walk. Before you have kids, and before you're too old to start again.

[StoobyMcDooby]

dude, fucking leave her ass. no one deserves to be cheated on. I dont care how old you are, there is someone out there that is better for you. If someone has the capability to cheat ONCE, why would you want to go about the rest of your life always wondering if she's/he's done it again? If they are capable of doing it once, they always will be capable to do it.


It's like if you're hooking up with someone who is in a relationship with some else.. (aka, the girl you're fucking has a boyfriend, whom she is cheating on with you).. i mean, if she has the mindset to cheat on her boyfriend with you, NOTHING stops her from cheating on you if you start dating her.


Leave her ass dude.

Cheating on your partner is the ultimate low of all lows.



Just ask yourself, do you really wanna have to continue your life always questioning her? No. EVERY TIME she does something that doesn't make sense, or when you catch her in a lie of any type, i promise you will wonder.


I don't know if anyone else has the same response as me, i didn't read anything except the OP

[gcvphoto]

Read your post and no one elses.

If I were you, I would have already been done with her and she wouldn't even be getting that chance. "It won't happen again because she doesn't want to jeopardize the relationship" my ass... if she didn't want to jeopardize anything then she wouldn't have cheated in the first place.

In my experience, you can only get fucked over and hurt so many times before it doesn't matter anymore. Sometimes things get so messed up between people that there is no way to actually fix things, only to pretend that things are better.

My advice to you now, tell her to pack her bags and kick her to the street. done.

[92vig]

Thank you all....you are a family outside family to me. I found out she wasnt being truthful about everything...claiming she "didnt want to hurt me more".....RIGHT like my all time low, already pissed...how could I get hurt more. COme to find out theres multiple times toward the beginning of our marriage and the last dude she fucked that was "one time" ended up being MULTIPLE TIMES last one being in November.

I cant say that I have ever yelled and screamed at anyone so loud in my life....its over. She had her chance to come clean....but instead, she lies while lying. I am done. Game over. I dont need this shit.

[baracuda]

This still worries me...

That's the one thing that would make me drop her like a bad habit. Cheating, ok, whatever, but get something and then either give it to me or take a chance on giving it to me?? No. Kick rocks, bitch.

NO FUCKING JOKE!!! I SURE ASS HELL WOULDNT RISK GETTING HERPS FROM THAT SHIT.

thats ONE of the BIGGEST things about being with one partner, most of the time you know were they have been and who they have been with. but if she is out fucking random guys, and then one of those ppl she slept with might have something???? GTFO!!! ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER!! also just a WEEK after saying "i do" then that should show you what her priorities are, and thats obousily NOT YOU.

sorry to sound mean but what she did pissed me off and im not even dating her. i get sicken when i hear girls talk about them getting with guys in relationships or getting with guys when they them selfs are in one. the worst part is they KNOW what they are doing and that it is WRONG.

[Gemini]

dude, believe me....shit won't be the same even if she stops. It will eat you up inside bro and you will change you as a person. Once you have been betrayed it does something to you. If you stay and continue to love her and act like everything is good she will more tham likely cheat again when everything is calm and back to normal. If she feels like she can get away with it she will do it again.....trust me.