Need your advice...I'm hurting

[deevergote]

She was threatening to commit suicide if I left her...something she always does. Saying if I'm not with her theres no point to live. I was at work and I told her I dont care. Her mom called me a bit later after I told her immediately after. She said my wife was in bad shape and she believes she may kill herself. I said she gets like that so she can get her way...manipulates situations in her favor. What happens? When I get home shes all cut up with bloody towels everywhere crying. Never seen her do this shit befor. Needless to say, I got her calmed down and I told her mom to take her somewhere to get help today...I think she has a real mental problem. Doesnt justify any actions she has taken against me, but I want to be sure she gets help before I dip out. Her dad is old school, doesnt believe in divorce, says I should work through it whatever, especially if she ends up having a mental issue. Me.....I truly have mixed feelings. If she DOES end up being a whacko, it makes me look like a complete ass for leaving that soon....but on the other side, I dont deserve to be stuck in the middle of everything she has put me through.

Definitely make sure she gets help. If she's already hurt herself, then she'll do that again as well. Of course, the suicide threat was just that... a threat. If she wanted to kill herself, she'd kill herself.

She thinks that she can do something so damaging to your relationship, but she demands that you stay? She threatens you (by threatening herself) for wanting to leave because SHE betrayed your trust? Mental problems or not, you don't need someone like that in your life. It's unfortunate that it's gone the way of marriage already... but you don't want it to go further. A woman that will cut herself up to keep you probably won't think twice about getting pregnant to keep you as well! From what I can see (and all I know is the little bit you've said... so I'm certainly no authority) this is NOT a woman you want to bring children into the world with. Once kids are involved, divorced or not, she's a part of your life forever. Move on now, and leave her completely behind. Don't sleep with her. If she gets pregnant, demand a paternity test. I can forsee that as being a last ditch attempt to lock you in.


You made the decision to spend the rest of your life with her. She made the decision to betray you. The decision to leave isn't something that you ever wanted to make, but honestly, she's left you no choice.

I know it's not that cut and dry, and giving advice like this seems callous and cruel, I'm sure. I apologize if it seems like I'm telling you what to do... I know I can't do that. However, after being with a woman that was able to cheat on me (and she DIDN'T have mental problems), all I can do is caution you against staying with her. I lost my youth to the wrong woman, because I wanted to try to make it work. I really don't want to see that happen to anyone else!

[floored]

Long story short

I was there to my girl cheated on me when I went to basic but didnt tell me till 2 years later when I ot home from Iraq. I said whatever past is the past as long as it was when I gave here 120% even though I was in Iraq, a year later she goes o yea it was when you were in Iraq too.

She says she forgot and she doesnt know why and bla bla bla. I was with her for 5 years its been idk 8 months now and idk where she is nor do I care, but I did hear she was kncoked up.

[Flatline]

i couldn't handle that. I would be no where to be found after i found that out and she would know it immediately. If someone can do that and not know why then they are beyond my reasoning with them. i couldn't care less if their parents didn't feel it was right to do. shes crazy and you shouldn't have to take care of someone thats nuts if they weren't at least the best they could be for you when it was possible.

i wouldn't even give a second chance. a second chance is just overtime in a game like this. it's gonna happen again. the only thing that might be different is that you might not find out right away, if at all.

It really boils down to knowing that if i did something like that, i wouldn't get, or even expect a second chance. Its something that's not really forgivable. I would rather look like an asshole and leave than look like an idiot an leaving after it happens again.

[CBAccordA4]

If there are no kids in the relationship, I would have to leave. I cant tolerate that at all. This is something that MEN do. I have met woman like this before, where they say it was a mistake and so so when it really is, but they like the rush and the attention from another guy, it makes them feel valuable and it is hard for woman of this nature to really commit. We are guys and you know how we think and do, so imagine a woman to have out mentality. Im not saying your wife is exactly like this because only you know her best. Just saying dont let her take advantage of your kindness again. I have no tolerance for it at all. I am in my first and last marriage right now meaning we are either staying together or if something comes up, we are not and I am not getting involved in any other marriages for the rest of my life. Another advice, if you have to live with always wondering what your wife is doing or where she is, thats too much stress for you. Theres one life to live man and that kinda shit shouldnt be apart of it. Make the best decision you possibly can and I admire you for putting this out there.

[deevergote]

If there are no kids in the relationship, I would have to leave. I cant tolerate that at all. This is something that MEN do. I have met woman like this before, where they say it was a mistake and so so when it really is, but they like the rush and the attention from another guy, it makes them feel valuable and it is hard for woman of this nature to really commit. We are guys and you know how we think and do, so imagine a woman to have out mentality. Im not saying your wife is exactly like this because only you know her best. Just saying dont let her take advantage of your kindness again. I have no tolerance for it at all. I am in my first and last marriage right now meaning we are either staying together or if something comes up, we are not and I am not getting involved in any other marriages for the rest of my life. Another advice, if you have to live with always wondering what your wife is doing or where she is, thats too much stress for you. Theres one life to live man and that kinda shit shouldnt be apart of it. Make the best decision you possibly can and I admire you for putting this out there.

Something that MEN do? No real man cheats on his woman.

This is something that SELFISH COWARDS do... regardless of gender.

[fatboy1185]

Seriously. I hate the stereotype of that. Both sex cheat on each other. Why? Because it feels good to have sex. End of story right there. However, if you cannot stay faithful to one person, don't be in a relationship. Very simple concept actually.

[Night Wolf]

She was threatening to commit suicide if I left her...something she always does. Saying if I'm not with her theres no point to live. I was at work and I told her I dont care. Her mom called me a bit later after I told her immediately after. She said my wife was in bad shape and she believes she may kill herself. I said she gets like that so she can get her way...manipulates situations in her favor. What happens? When I get home shes all cut up with bloody towels everywhere crying. Never seen her do this shit befor. Needless to say, I got her calmed down and I told her mom to take her somewhere to get help today...I think she has a real mental problem. Doesnt justify any actions she has taken against me, but I want to be sure she gets help before I dip out. Her dad is old school, doesnt believe in divorce, says I should work through it whatever, especially if she ends up having a mental issue. Me.....I truly have mixed feelings. If she DOES end up being a whacko, it makes me look like a complete ass for leaving that soon....but on the other side, I dont deserve to be stuck in the middle of everything she has put me through.

shes the hospitals/parents problem now. obviously she aint right mentally right & shes gunna destroy your life if you stick around her bro

[deevergote]

Seriously. I hate the stereotype of that. Both sex cheat on each other. Why? Because it feels good to have sex. End of story right there. However, if you cannot stay faithful to one person, don't be in a relationship. Very simple concept actually.

Exactly.

I'm a man. I have never cheated. I never will. It took me quite a while after my marriage ended (not the official divorce, as that was about 2 years... but from the day she left for good) to finally feel like I wasn't doing something wrong by seeing other women.

[Night Wolf]

never knew you were married before deev

[AstroVannin]

She was threatening to commit suicide if I left her...

Sounds like the problem will "solve itself".

[deevergote]

Sounds like the problem will "solve itself".

That's harsh man. Put yourself in his shoes. His wife just cheated on him, he's about to leave her, she's threatening suicide... and you're suggesting that he just let the woman he loves kill herself?

never knew you were married before deev

October 2006 to April 2007. Marriage was a legal status, but I don't really consider myself ever to truly have been married. It was a farce. I hope to get married again in the future, to the right person, and know what it's REALLY supposed to be like.

I don't discuss it on here very often. Mainly because there's no need to... but also because I don't need any new girls I meet digging that info up before I tell them!

[Night Wolf]

ah got ya!

[tear2wo]

Sounds like the problem will "solve itself".

too soon!

[Straight Success]

I've read, and I feel your pain. Keep your head up.

From the heart, this may hurt, but I will keep it real. One can't break a bond like that. You can forgive and never forget, but that can be done while your single. Honestly, she gets no second chance(s). A week after... There's no fixing or replacing that. It's the past, you can't change it. You'll always have that wondering though, what if... and it's painful. It's called adultery, and it's bad.

I may not be the best at giving you advice on this topic, but I'm a logical thinker. Many good women (not even a wife/wives) that I have lost due to my infidelity has never given me a second chance. I had some good, God fearing, do anything for me women.

I'll say a prayer for you and your situation, and I hope you pull through everything okay, and become a stronger man who will move on to bigger and better heights.

[ATS666]

Your heart is alot like a dinner plate. If it gets broken you can glue it back together but it's still broken.

Once that trust is gone it's very hard to get back.

Cheating is what teenagers do. If she has never been cheated on then she doesn't know the pain it can cause.
I fucked around once and after I was fucked around on I discovered how much it hurt. I could never do that to someone again.