your funniest sex fail..... go ahead confess

[Julianachos]

omg speaking of people walking in...

We were home alone. Her house has this cable and when you drive over it, this box makes like a bell-noise kind of thing in the living room to let you know someone's there. Anyway, we were alone, and did it. She was on top, and she went, so it was my turn. I thought I heard something, but then shook it off. I was going on top, stuck it in, and then when that happened, she make a loud noise and her aunt walked to the door, stared at my ass. I looked back and she still stared at it till she shook her head to where she wasn't spaced out, she smiled and went "oops sorry. I bought some (blahblahblah it was some food) and it's on the kitchen counter."

We were both shocked cause she's the type to freak out like crazy. After that, we just ran to her mom's house (which is another house on the property) and she just laughed her ass off. Then we went back to her aunt's and she said to close the door next time.

[jacOOLito]

ummmmmmm kinda homo... bromances and can not make em work at the same time?? i think you cut out a part of this story that includes either something in the shower or taking turns.... so are you a top are bottom... from the sounds of it your a bottom.... you get a 1 for effort

Haha shoot no. That was 2 girls, 2 rooms for each of us. I was trying to get my friend laid whose a 23 yr old virgin.

[guitarplayer825]

dude i met a bunch of chics, even my ex is crazy in bed, and they hate guys that are big. to tell you the truth its actually true. stop watching porn, cus most of those girls do drugs to keep the pain away.

I'm pretty big and the last girl I was with was LOVING it hahaha

My turn:
I was at my now ex girlfriend's dad's house while he was out of town and we're fucking in her bed. We finish up and, immediately afterwards, the doorbell rings and it scares the shit out of both of us because she would get in a lot of trouble if her dad found out I was there so I hide in the closet while she goes to see what's up.

Turns out it was the neighbor who saw her car in the driveway and wanted to come check out the new cabinets her dad just put in. We go outside to leave and her neighbors are just chilling in the street talking to each other so she pulls her car into the garage and I lay down in the backseat footwells with a blanket over me hahaha we got away and I felt like a fucking ninja

[stewie]

picked up a club hoe, had her in bed, she was giving me a blow job, she started to cup the balls...then tried to stick a finger in my ass.....i swiped her hand away and rolled over and went to bed.....made her wait till the morning for my cock.


i love drunk sex she made me get mad and wait till i was sober

[mappyCB7]

the first time I had sex I was maybe 13-14 I dunno?? but fucking hot lil white girl got nakid and I whipped out my junk. I was stiffer than a red wood and as she tried to put the condom on me i prematured all over her hands. She said it was ok and comforted me by cuddling...yeah FAIL

I posted this on an old thread about first timers. It was longer and more detailed for those who remember ... yeah

[turbomaxx]

i gotta tell you bro, you got the best story so far

thanks bud.

[jennaccord_210]

M She kept asking and imploring so I got frustrated and she said, "what are you doing thats so important?"

me-"I'm having sex, mom. Do you mind?"
girl-"oh... Hi Dawn..."
mom-"OH MY GOD..."

lol

[jennaccord_210]

She said to me as I smacked her ass and she was getting close, "You're a dirty boy."

I responded, "You're... a... dirty boy too."

hahaha omg .. one time me and my dude was going at it . he hitting it from behind and i think i said sumthn about how wet i was and how i just waxed and was smooth .. blah blah blah .. then he says "oh yea your dick is so smooth!" i tried my best to just ignore it and keep going but i couldnt help it. i busted out laughing so hard. he got kinda mad. dont know if it was cause i kept on laughing and was making fun or because he didnt finish.

[jennaccord_210]

another time was a while back. i was at a party and super drunk. there was a guy there i had my eye on for a while. he was so effn hot!!! anway. i get him into the room and we got at it like beasts ... he doing his thing and boy did he do it right ... MY TURN!!! so i rip off his pants and push him onto bed to do my thing. i pull down his boxers and he was hard as a rock BUT (and i swear to god) he was about 2 1/2 inches!!! .. i said "wtf dude ur asian!?" i didnt think twice .. got up, put clothes on and left. i was drunk ... and i went straight to my gurls and starting ragging on the guy about how little his dick was. hahaha ... needless to say he heard me talking and doesnt talk to me anymore. ... o well

[MclovinRR]

hahaha omg .. one time me and my dude was going at it . he hitting it from behind and i think i said sumthn about how wet i was and how i just waxed and was smooth .. blah blah blah .. then he says "oh yea your dick is so smooth!" i tried my best to just ignore it and keep going but i couldnt help it. i busted out laughing so hard. he got kinda mad. dont know if it was cause i kept on laughing and was making fun or because he didnt finish.

ahahhahahah that was good..... so he was boning you and thinking about cock..... very very failtacular....9

another time was a while back. i was at a party and super drunk. there was a guy there i had my eye on for a while. he was so effn hot!!! anway. i get him into the room and we got at it like beasts ... he doing his thing and boy did he do it right ... MY TURN!!! so i rip off his pants and push him onto bed to do my thing. i pull down his boxers and he was hard as a rock BUT (and i swear to god) he was about 2 1/2 inches!!! .. i said "wtf dude ur asian!?" i didnt think twice .. got up, put clothes on and left. i was drunk ... and i went straight to my gurls and starting ragging on the guy about how little his dick was. hahaha ... needless to say he heard me talking and doesnt talk to me anymore. ... o well

damnit why you have to post up about our drunken escapades... .i was drunk and it was effing cold... damn... its actually 3 1/2 inches, the cold took away an inch... lol... hahaha no im kidding this seriously wasnt me...
this is what i dont understand... if a guy has a thimble dick why not just hide it??? it will be laughed at fellas... seriously..... this story gets an 8....

[Luna92]

i guess its my turn. its not as funny but its interseting.

it starts out with this girl that i "was in love" with lol....anyways we dated had our down fall. but before we stop being friends she landed me a great with none other then her parents at thier shop!!! Well i took the job but a week before i started we stop talking cause of her new boyfriend. so on my first day of work it was great, i fell in love with 18 wheelers after. now she had a younger sister, and she would always help around the shop. and we talked at work and later that night the youger sister txted me asking if i wanted to hang out. being that i wasnt doing anything and we lived in the same neighborhood i went over to her place. now this was a common thing for me been that we had being friends since we were younger kids and her mom loved me. but her father my boss wasnt very fond of guys been at his house. so we were hanging out and one thing lead to another and before we knew we were on her sisters bed f*******. lol that was the best part. so about 11:30 i hear her fathers truck pull in the dirve way. and i knew it was him and i knew i was going to get killed so she starts fliping out. and hides me in the closet. all i heard was her father "my new boss" stroming around the house and out side cause he had heard her talking to someone and she was suppose to be the only persone in the house. by the grace of god he never looked inside of the closet. i kept my job and her older sister "my ex" found in the closet half naked later that night. lol and may i add i spent the rest of my time at their fathers shop telling him my sex story and him not knowing they were about his daughters!!!lol

[MclovinRR]

i guess its my turn. its not as funny but its interseting.

it starts out with this girl that i "was in love" with lol....anyways we dated had our down fall. but before we stop being friends she landed me a great with none other then her parents at thier shop!!! Well i took the job but a week before i started we stop talking cause of her new boyfriend. so on my first day of work it was great, i fell in love with 18 wheelers after. now she had a younger sister, and she would always help around the shop. and we talked at work and later that night the youger sister txted me asking if i wanted to hang out. being that i wasnt doing anything and we lived in the same neighborhood i went over to her place. now this was a common thing for me been that we had being friends since we were younger kids and her mom loved me. but her father my boss wasnt very fond of guys been at his house. so we were hanging out and one thing lead to another and before we knew we were on her sisters bed f*******. lol that was the best part. so about 11:30 i hear her fathers truck pull in the dirve way. and i knew it was him and i knew i was going to get killed so she starts fliping out. and hides me in the closet. all i heard was her father "my new boss" stroming around the house and out side cause he had heard her talking to someone and she was suppose to be the only persone in the house. by the grace of god he never looked inside of the closet. i kept my job and her older sister "my ex" found in the closet half naked later that night. lol and may i add i spent the rest of my time at their fathers shop telling him my sex story and him not knowing they were about his daughters!!!lol

muchos propos for this my friend....... lots of win on your part but i have two questions.... #1... did you ever lay the 8====D on the older sister???? #2 did this really happen or is it just something that happened in your own little fairy land?? lol naw im kidding.... i got an interesting read out of this bro... 9 for you my friend

[4U2H8ME]

so your an anal premie??? lol 3 for the fail...

No I'm the anal king brother, like it said I was 19 at the time. I am now 38 and have smoked more butts than a room of life long smokers youngin!

[MclovinRR]

No I'm the anal king brother, like it said I was 19 at the time. I am now 38 and have smoked more butts than a room of life long smokers youngin!

good jesus your old...lol......... so if your the anal king.... does that mean your officially brown dicked???? lol...just joshin ya bro...i mean sir... sorry have to have respect for the old dudes on the forum.... lol hehehehe.... we good homey we good....

[4U2H8ME]

good jesus your old...lol......... so if your the anal king.... does that mean your officially brown dicked???? lol...just joshin ya bro...i mean sir... sorry have to have respect for the old dudes on the forum.... lol hehehehe.... we good homey we good....

No offense taken young man. We good. I maybe 38 but still get it on like I was still 19. 1 piece of knowledge to share with you. "It only gets easier the older you get."